Interesting Developments

A really good friend of mine moved to Los Angeles. He had dinner with a producer friend of ours and told him about my solo show. The producer friend asked to read the script which I sent. He liked it. Then he asked to send a DVD. I got over my anxiety of how terrible I looked on DVD and sent it to him. If he likes it, then I might be able to do my show in LA!

AND in really wonderful news, we’re heading back to Manhattan. I’m so excited!! I know there are issues with living in the city…but it’s going to be a huge improvement to our lives, I know it.

Models vs. Actors

I had an ASICS go-see.  It was a room filled with 19 year old Abercrombie & Fitch/Ford model types.  I didn’t want to be there.

Someone gushed about how they were on the Abercrombie & Fitch site.  Everyone (except me) had washboard abs and defined muscle.  Baby M and our new babysitter were walking around the street outside.

An Asian model next to me was in an animated conversation about how slow things were and new exercise routines.  Their whole conversation was shop talk:  where they had travelled, how they hadn’t worked in a while, which agents they were freelancing with.   I felt for these girls.  They were tall, thin and beautiful.  I’m attractive, but if you saw me walk down the street, you probably wouldn’t stop and give me a second glance.  Having all of your self worth based on your looks can sometimes make you feel not so great.  Even from doing commercial print work, I’ve often looked at myself and wondered: Am I too fat?  The same feeling that ran through my head as I sat in the chair.  I’ve definitely been out of the game and could definitely hit the gym.

As Tyra Banks says, you have to have a career after being a model.

After the photographer took pictures of me, I scurried downstairs to my beloved Baby M.  She was just waking up from a nap and we strolled around in the rain.  The baby sitter quipped:  “Wow, I’ve never seen so many attractive people in one spot!”

Note to self:  Get a blackberry and go to the gym.

WAHM = Messy House

The dishes are dirty…again.  The laundry remains unfolded in two laundry bags.  The apartment is a mess.   Husband comes home (an hour late), sighs.  I get mad at the sighs but I’m too exhausted to pick anything up.

“What did you do today?”

Worked on updating contacts for a  mailing, fixed the VM for our show’s hotline, cleared my desk, contacted people about the show, trained the new sitter…

Definitely nothing to do with keeping a tidy home.

What is the answer to my lack of homemaking skills?  I’m not sure but something needs to change because the system in place is currently not working.

Children vs. Career: Brazen Careerist

I just read a terrific post by the fabulous Penelope Trunk.  The reality is that life is not binary, it’s not absolute.  It’s messy and complex.  Life can not be boiled down to a mathematical equation [if this then this].

This is not an issue of whether abortion is right or wrong, it’s about the myth of having children being bad for a career.

I got two abortions to preserve my career. To keep my options open. To keep my aspirations within reach.

I bought into the idea that kids undermine your ability to build an amazing career.

And here I am, with the amazing career.

But also, here I am with two kids. So I know a bit about having kids and a career. And I want to tell you something: You don’t need to get an abortion to have a big career. Women who want big careers want them because something deep inside you drives you to change the world, lead a revolution, break new barriers.

It doesn’t matter whether you have kids now or later, because they will always make your career more difficult. There is no time in your life when you are so stable in your work that kids won’t create an earthquake underneath that confidence.

Thank you, Rachel Griffiths: Mother of Three!

This morning I was filled with despair because I thought about having another child and quite honestly that prospect bummed me out.  Talked to my buddy in my show, she gave me a nice talk:  Enjoy the ride and just let things happen without trying to CONTROL THINGS.

Also discovered Rachel Griffiths.  Thank you Perez.  Thank you, Rachel.  Yes you were a big star in your country before you came to the states, but that’s okay.

Sitter came by, she was decent. Spent the few hours doing the dance of training her and being sort of a host.   No naps for Mom.  Exhausting.

Yelled at husband when he innocently said the word “dinner”.   I was grumpy he was an hour late..also just plain exhausted.  Tired of being tired.  But hopeful things are changing.

Word for the week: FOCUS

I talked to a few of my performing buddies and they talked me away from the edge.  Yesterday I got really close to saying SCREW IT and move to South Carolina where we might be discriminated against, but at least live in a mansion.

Hubby told me he had dinner with co-workers who said we needed to stay in the suburbs.  I felt like telling them to kiss my tan behind. Hubby understandably complained about the high cost of living in a small urban space.  Also, if we have another kid, it will be even more crowded than it already is.  We live in a nice sized three bedroom apartment and the thought of contracting to a New York City space does freak me out a little bit as well.

That said, there are no perfect places to live.  And obviously my darling husband hasn’t read the post on the POWER OF DECISION making, ha ha, because he wavers on our decision of wanting to live closer to NYC.  I’ve decided to be unemotional and coolheaded at least about this.  I know living closer to the city would be better for us as a family.  I know it’s scary to move.  I know many people do not agree with what we want to do.

So here’s to keeping your eye on the prize.

Taking care…

Did a reading for a favorite playwright.  Honestly, it was a bit of  a struggle.  It was 3.5 hours long and it was really hot on stage.  I got really tired and delirious toward the end.  It made me realize I need to get my ass in gear and take care of myself.  I’m going to be onstage doing my show in less than a month.  I now know that while I’m breastfeeding, my body is still not quite it’s old self.  I thought about hiring a chef to teach me how to cook healthy vegetarian food and I think I’m going to do it.  I have six performances and I can not afford to go crazy.  I need the sustenance.   

I haven’t been taking care of myself lately.  I’ve not been sleeping well, eating well, exercise…what’s exercise?  Yes I’m back to my normal weight but I definitely need to exercise.

Finances for Artsy Fartsy Me

I’ve started tracking everything I’ve been spending on the show and wanted to get a nice ledger to record things.  Doing it in excel makes it less easy to access.  I’ve had rinky dink notebooks that I’ve misplaced or lost.  Before our rehearsal today I went to Staples and picked up a ledger.

This ledger is from B.F. Keith’s Theatre in Indianapolis.

This show consisted of Bob Hope, and it was a two man dancing team doing sometimes SIX performances per day.  Jigga WHAT?  Wow.  I love this site because it dispells the myth that actors (or artists for that matter) are genuises who are suddenly and randomnly inspired.  He worked his tail off and from these ledgers it shows he was more than a performer, but was business savvy.

Perhaps one day someone will put my ledger into a museum.  I can hear the tour now:  “This is an exhibition of Hottie Actress Momma, her wardrobe, videos of her performances, her writings and… her ledger.  Look!  If we browse in this ledger, we see back in 2009, renting a rehearsal space in New York City was only $15 per hour!!”

The city makes me feel good…

This bag would be gone in .5 seconds in NYC

Had an audition for a theatre production.  I did two pieces and the folks were really kind about it.  We’ll see if anything happens.

(It was a challenge to get there, I had my friend roll Baby M around in the carriage.  Also carry her up and down the subway stairs.  It was worth it.  I needed to see if I had the pieces in my head and they are there.)

FOUND: A babysitter!!!!  I’m so excited!!  I have great hopes for this girl.  She is temporary till she goes to law school in August.

Had coffee with a woman, D, I met at the opthomologist’s office.  She is so funny and  cracks me up so bad.  She has a baby the same age as Baby M AND SHE IS PREGNANT AGAIN.   When she told me that, my face expressed shock and she choked on her cookie laughing.

Positivity Galore

I’ve been complaining a lot so I’ve gone gangbusters and decided to run the other way to POSITIVITY LAND.  After falling and busting her eye, Baby M is now sick with a cold.  Today I’m focusing on relaxing while taking care of my little girl.  

I downloaded The Artist’s Way and Creative Visualization and already feel better.  We’ve been putting out fires left and right that sometimes it’s very easy to slide into negativity.  

This photo of Baby M makes me laugh so hard every time I look at it.  It sums up her current attitude.  She is feisty, funny and at the same time, a very good kid.  It puts me in a good mood.

Today is one of those few days that I’m glad I’m not working full time right (or even booked a commercial or film).  As Baby M coughs and hacks and sneezes with a running nose, I am grateful I can stay home and take care of her.  

So here’s to being positive.  (Raises a glass of soy milk)