Back from down south…

J and I partied with his friends at Restaurant Eugene in Buckhead, Gerogia. Since I’ve been feeling pretty shitty being pregnant, I haven’t gone out in a while. We stayed out pretty late and since I couldn’t get wasted and STILL had a great time, I knew it was genuine.

The next day I woke up at noon, worked out and ate brunch. Then we went to the aquarium which was amazing. Afterwards we went to what I like to call The Tower Of Babel, or the CNN Center (it is an ugly building). It is the oddest building and had the strangest, bloodthirsty energy because the Hawks were about to play the Celtics.

The primary reason we went to the CNN Center was because J’s friends went on and on about Chic-Filet and he was frothing at the mouth to try it. As he pulled the foil back and excitedly bit into it and chewed, he looked like a kid opening gift at Christmas. His expression went from excitement to disappointment in 2 seconds after the first swallow. I ate a baked potato from Wendy’s.

Later, we ate at an Italian restaurant where apparently a lot of kids were dining for their prom.

I did not write, I suck.

On a cool note, a very nice director I’ve worked with before asked me to be in a reading of his this week, so that was cool. I also received an email from my stealthy, ninja producer who told me he found a good after effects guy for our short which is awesome. Why is my producer stealthy and ninja-like? Because I do not hear from him for weeks and he’s monosyllabic when he talks to me. But then whenever I wonder what is up with him, he does something really cool like this.

April 9, 2008

Today I woke up very early and went straight to my computer to write seven pages. I’ll admit the 7th page I pulled out of my ass but I wanted to get it done. Folks in class are up to page 27 and I didn’t want to be behind. Also, according to Israel, around page 45 things start to get easier so it encouraged me to write.

I also registered for an editing class and I’m VERY psyched about that. Finally I’ll be able to finish up my films.

I headed to class on the Upper West Side. The classroom temperature-wise was extremely warm and made everyone very sleepy. I had a difficult time paying attention due to the sleep inducing heat.

I totally forgot that I had to do a 16 week prenatal checkup so I scheduled that this Friday. After that J and I are off to Hotlanta! Yay! Change of scenery.

I realize that I need to plan my days with activities instead of chilling out by myself all the time. Being in class I definitely feel productive instead of depressed in our little apartment.

April 8, 2008

Today I was blue. This became apparent when my dearest friend with two children called me up and her children were chattering happily in the background. Every 2 seconds she had to gently reprimand them or address them: “You will get Elmo when we get home. Do you want Elmo? Do you want Elmo? Then please listen to Mommy. (silence) Thank you.” Then she cheerfully said: “See this is what you have to look forward to!” When she said that I felt miserable.

In the morning I wrote a bit but felt very tired. I free-wrote, I worked on a line or two on the one woman show. But I had a very difficult time writing and ended up packing up and heading home after an hour. I even booked a job for Thursday and found some way to make it a negative.

I called my friends who are actors/artist types who don’t have a 9-5 situation. One musician friend, who just came back from a tour, said that downtime can be difficult to deal with. He made me feel better by saying that it was a very real issue and not something to minimize. He said: “I just came back from a tour where crowds of people are cheering for me and now I’m in my apartment by myself and feel like: ‘This sucks.’ “. As artists, we experience the extremes of the joy and exhilaration of performing to mind numbing, soul sucking work or boredom. Striking that happy medium is a challenge.

I spoke to another actress who also agreed that battling boredom was difficult but she had learned to plan her days which helped.

It’s something that I’ve learned that is challenging and I’ll have to find ways to address it instead of being bogged down by it.

Afterwards, I went out for a 30 minute walk in the sunshine. That was helpful.

April 5, 2008

Yesterday I went to see Cai Guo-Qiang’s show at the Guggenheim. I enjoyed it, he has a large body of work that filled the museum. I am not the hoity toity artsy type but I did feel it was a bit accessible. One comment running through my mind was: “This seems like the Disney World type of show.” From the Guggenheim’s point of view, they need to have a show that brings them revenue.

April 3, 2008

Today I met with the other people who were helping to judge work for the theatre festival here in NYC. I drooled at the woman’s large apartment and adorable pomeranian. We discussed the plays and justified to each other why we scored them the way we did. Afterwards I met my friend for dunch (lunch/dinner) in midtown at this horribly cheesy bar/restaurant with 10 huge t.v. screens. He was on Broadway for many years and it turned out it was one of his favorite places.

I then headed downtown in the West Village to the screenwriters’ workshop where I am participating as an actress. I loved it. The students had written the first seven pages of their screenplay. Unlike some writing groups I’ve been in, the feedback and comments were very helpful and insightful. After reading many screenplays I was able to discern what worked and what didn’t.

What works:

-Simple, direct scenes are better
-Allow the reader/viewer to get settled in their environment before jarring us into another (unless it’s a purposeful device)
-Less dialogue is better in screenplays
-Focus on one character, not five
-Show don’t tell
-Details are important, what a character wants, their relationship to each other and their environment

I respect the teacher, the students and the process. Being in this environment is useful to me as a writer because it helped me ask questions about my own script and character. Also, this class is extremely valuable not because it’s going to make me a famous star but because it’s feeding my soul.

April 2, 2008

Today was a restful day and yet there were cool developments:

I got a callback for a job that would be shooting in a few weeks. It shoots for a week so if I booked it, that would be nice.

Hoping to get the commercial I had the callback for yesterday. Crossing fingers.

Just got an email from my modeling agency that I’m hold for a print job next week.

Today I sat on my couch, I did research on one person shows and wrote a few pages.

I had a discussion with SR today about frustrating managers/agents. She ranted about how frustratingly apathetic her agents seemed about her career. It’s understandable but I reminded her that these agents aren’t holding our hands but they were giving us opportunities to build our careers.

April 1, 2008

Early in the morning I went to ABC to help with auditions. Saw some really good actresses and realized how I must step my game up. Pilot season is quite busy in NYC right now. Emailed my agents, asked them why I wasn’t on these auditions. Had lunch at Union Square with SM and JN at Ennju. Went to my callback and ran into SR and BY. There was another call for 100 bratty kids who filled the audition office. Afterwards I met with a producer of a film I’m supposed to be in. She seems tired.Pondered going to see Wong Kar Wai at the Apple Store, instead I went home. Ate the yummy soup I made.

My inability to live with stillness…

Writing was a bit challenging today. I wrote for an hour, but I’m not sure where the character is going.

I decided I’m going to take a screenwriting class. I feel that being around other writers would be very helpful for me. In a few months (with the hopeful arrival of the little one…) I won’t be able to do as much writing as I can. I don’t want to fritter time away in my office by myself when I get stuck. I want to use this precious time I have to create fruitful work. Plus, the consistency will be good for me.

I met with my career coach today who steered me in the right direction in terms of perceiving what’s happening in my career. One week I’ll be auditioning for a network television show, the next I’m sitting around, depressed, on my couch wondering what to do with my life. I realized that without a full time job, the lulls of non-activity are really unsettling for me. Being able to focus solely on my acting career can be scary without the constant whir of motion…even if that motion is counterproductive. One of the major benefits of being pregnant (thank you, unborn child) is that I can only focus on one thing at a time. Physically I don’t have the energy.

After the feature and two shorts are wrapped up, I told my coach that in 2009 I wanted to put up a one-woman show. Surprisingly my coach was super psyched with that idea and, as it turns out, is an expert on one person shows. Winning various awards three years in a row at the New York Fringe Festival, teaching at Second City in Chicago and helping others launch their one-person shows nationally and internationally. I was a bit shy about the endeavor but now I’m quite excited about it.

Later in the day, I spoke with my best bud from high school who has THREE children. She was telling me inane jokes that she found through email. Usually I hate them but for some reason coming from her they struck me as funny. 

I find talking to my friends who have kids keeps me a bit sane. Especially in understanding how physically uncomfortable I can get sometimes. You can’t really explain it, it just is and they get it. Even if our loving husbands don’t.

Just got a call from a really cool casting director at ABC to be a reader for some auditions tomorrow. I love being there and seeing those guys. They are a compassionate group of people who care about actors.

March 30, 2008

For the past three days I’ve been having insomnia. I’m used to waking up at 2:00 AM, reading or surfing the web and then falling asleep around 4:30 AM. It’s unpleasant.

Today J and I went to Deborah, a yummy restaurant in the West Village. I had the granola and fruit and J ate the DELICIOUS pasta. We ordered fries and grits, we had to take it home because it was too much to eat. We walked around and J bought a Joy Division CD (so strange, haven’t done that in years).

Pregnant Brain

I’m taking into account how my hormones and brain sort of play tricks on me. Since I haven’t been working a 9-5 job, I find I might get a bit loopier than usual. In the morning I’m fine, but in the evening my brain starts to melt down and thoughts begin to swirl around into incomprehensibly. I have manic thoughts of cleaning the house, reading a book, re-writing and doing an internship at a film production company…all at the same time.

I spoke to my friend friend J who told me to calm down and focus on what I’m supposed to do. He’s a new dad and he was like: “Dude! You’re making a baby, just chill the freak out.” I realized I was a bit paranoid that I wasn’t “doing anything.” So I now know that whenever I get a little batty, I just chalk it up to being pregnant.

I also discovered my friend who is a writer/director discovered his girlfriend is 12 weeks pregnant. They’re in LA now but returning to New York so I’m hoping to see them since our kids might be the same age. Also, I don’t know pregnant people, so it’d be cool to get to know more future moms.