Haven’t had much thoughts on acting right now.  I’ve been drawing a lot.  Not really scared about it just noticing it and going with the drawing.

I realized that I’ve been going nonstop for the past year.  I’m not complaining, I’m absolutely grateful for the wonderful work I’ve been lucky to do and folks who’ve helped me.  I just want a little break from acting right now.  I am savoring being with Baby M.  I’m taking it easy!

I met with my agent last week and she was very enthusiastic about sending me out for legit stuff.  My manager in LA is psyched to meet with me in January.

I’ve been guilty of neglecting the blog. Sorry about that, super lame, I know. It was Baby M’s first birthday and between meeting a new babysitter and planning the party, I was a little busy.

My husband and I are very excited about moving back to the city. We really look forward to nice restaurants and being able to walk everywhere. I’m also excited about meeting like-minded moms and being closer to auditions and classes.

It’s been a bit quiet and at times I get a little antsy. But this is normal. Now is the time to update my reel, rewrite my show and take an improv class.

I’m also pursuing another love that I have which is drawing cartoons. I’m taking a class at SVA and it brings me immense joy. AND it is no surprise that I met a fellow actor/cartoonist. For some reason, the teacher really likes my work and has been very encouraging to me. This means the world to me.

A really good friend of mine moved to Los Angeles. He had dinner with a producer friend of ours and told him about my solo show. The producer friend asked to read the script which I sent. He liked it. Then he asked to send a DVD. I got over my anxiety of how terrible I looked on DVD and sent it to him. If he likes it, then I might be able to do my show in LA!

AND in really wonderful news, we’re heading back to Manhattan. I’m so excited!! I know there are issues with living in the city…but it’s going to be a huge improvement to our lives, I know it.

I went to an audition yesterday and wasn’t prepared as I should be. Being a mother has made the word “prepared” really different for me. I try to set time aside to plan the next day. I didn’t do that. In the morning I was scrambling to get ready for the audition and get the baby ready to go into the city.

I packed food for Baby M and hauled ass to get the city. I did not prepare the sides and I did not have food or water. By the time I arrived I was starving and thirsty. At best, my performance was generic because I did not prepare the sides.

It’s okay. All part of the process.

Bi-coastal that is!

After my solo show, my wonderful acting coach from LA recommended a manager in LA.

Hurrah!

Thank you, Universe.

To sum August up: solo show, national commercial (yay!), short film with an awesome director and producer, not so successful but not terrible audition for a television show. I decided that if I have a big audition, I probably should not do 2 gigs right before. Live and learn. I joined SAG and I got MY name.

We took a family vacation and it was wonderful. This was a time I was able to bond with my husband and my daughter. The pacing was great, we relaxed, we laughed our asses off and we really had a fun time. I felt refreshed and ready to get back to work. I’ve realized how important having fun and relaxing can be because that is more important than a career. Don’t get me wrong, I’m driven. But driven with a sense of gratitude, humility, fun and happiness. Driven without happiness doesn’t work.

In really great news, we are probably moving back to the city in a few months. With that news, I’m somehow wistful about leaving the burbs. [I vaguely recalled when I was 7 months pregnant and got pushed by some guy at Fairway Supermarket.] But I’m ready. And grateful.

A lot of people love the show.  Some people hate the show.  Audiences are crazy for the show.  2 critics hate the show.  One of my dearest friends doesn’t care for it.  Some people like me better and some people like my partner in the show better.

I was slightly down about it, but got over it after a day.  I spoke to my teacher and he said critics hated his show and then he ended up winning the best play that year in a pretty big festival.

We as artists don’t do our art for the approval of others.  We do it because we are sharing our experiences with the world.  As a working actress sometimes it’s hard to keep that in prospective because acting is so subjective.  However, as my teacher said, there needs to be something inside of us that is unshakeable, something that keeps us going despite the strong winds and storms that come at us.

I also have been listening to the Artist’s Way and the author talked about how she was so jealous of female playwrights and could easily judge another playwright very harshly.  That is until she began writing her own stuff.  Suddenly she felt a kinship of writers she hadn’t felt before.

The point is to keep going, to keep moving forward and continue the art.  Art isn’t always pretty, it’s constantly improving and evolving.

And a quote about critics:

Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis:

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.

Press kits, comps, website, light plots OH MY!!!

My show is going up NEXT WEEK. I AM NOT EVEN PREPARED.  I had rehearsal yesterday which was helpful but I don’t know if I was very good.  I did not feel engaged with the material, I felt tired.

July 4th weekend was wonderful and relaxing.  Now it’s back to getting the show off the ground.

My intention is to enjoy this fun process, relax into it.  Not fight it. 

Toothless wide eyed grinnery

Baby M:

You are nine months old today.  I spend a lot of time complaining about motherhood and you may read this and be like, “MOM, geez!”

While I am not cut out for motherhood (I’m not and will never be a Betty Homemaker) you are a joy in my life that exceeds the drudgery of being a mostly working at home mother.  I was not really expecting to ever really be a mother, much less be totally in love with my kid…but I do.  Yes it is hard work, but you are so worth it.

You are moving around a LOT.  You are curious about every oject that is in front of you.  You are starting to stand up if you have something to hold on to.  You love to throw your whole body weight while you’re on the bed so I don’t put you on the bed anymore.

You are quite feisty and outspoken.  You know exactly what you want and you go after it with gusto.  Whether it’s eliciting a smile from a stranger on the train or a bottle of sanitizer, you reach for it and usually get what you want.

Right now you love to read books and turning the pages.

You are very expressive and smile with your whole face.  That’s the same expression that I used to do when I was an infant.

You get REALLY sweaty and that worries  me (though your dad scolds me for worrying).

My only hope with you is that when you are an adult, you can say to people:  “Yea, growing up was pretty uneventful, I come from a normal, happy family.  I love my mom and dad.  They’re my best friends.”

You are a joy in my and your dad’s life.  We love you very much.

Happy nine month birthday