As I write this blog, I realize that I do it to ensure that I stay on track with my hopes and dreams.  With insomnia and brain shrinkage my mind races into millions of possibilities and scenarios and thus leaving me in a whirlwind.  This is not how I usually operate.  I’m usually able to clearly define what I want and how to get and then go do it.  Being in this fog-like state is difficult for me.

(Instead of editing :-(  I read an article on Zen Habits which I found helpful.  It talks about Ralph Waldo Emerson and how his mind would constantly wander and how he dealt wth it.

My main objective is come January 2009, that I’m back on track with my acting career.  This means I’m in shape mentally and physically, I’m auditioning, I’m in class and back in the game.  In order to do that, it’s very important for me to have my projects done before (God-willing) my baby arrives. (Potentially difficult?  Yes. But I’ve been meeting more and more actress mothers and see it is possible.)

What seems to skip me up is trying to start money making schemes.  I get paranoid that I’m not making enough money at my drudge day job and I must start a business to supplement my income.  Since I’ve been pregnant I’ve thought of several money making ideas:

selling makeup on ebay
designing greeting cards
starting a graphic design business
scrapping everything and being in Human Resources
writing…

The problem is I don’t WANT to do these things.  They are things I think I SHOULD be doing instead of what I really WANT to be doing.  These crazy ideas stem directly from a fear and self doubt which seems to rear it’s annoying, sinewy head quite often.  And it’s completely counterproductive.  Thinking about getting a “real job” simply creates worry, stress and fatigue instead of focusing and keeping my eye on the prize.

So yes, I’m going to face exhaustion today from waking up at 2:30, but I’ve decided to stop whining and get back on the horse.  Instead of wallowing, I’m going to be proactive.

As Mike Meyers would say in Wayne’s World: “Game on!”.

Not sure how I feel about this DVD yet.  It is definitely challenging.  After doing the workout yesterday, I felt a bit tired this morning and only lasted 20 minutes through this.  I actually love Prenatal Yoga in Manhattan but don’t like the commute.  I thought this might be a good alternative.  I’ll let you know as I progress.

I had a screening of my short film last Thursday with an informal group of film makers/film lovers. I didn’t know any of the people who were watching it and was EXTREMELY nervous.  The sound is all off balance, the picture has a lot of issues in terms of contrast and saturation (note to self, when shooting, bring a monitor to see what is being shot!!).

My producer came along and we were both a bit nervous but also more curious about the reaction.  Showing work to strangers is helpful because they are able to see the piece and tell you what they think without attachment or hangups.

People seemed to really enjoy it and they laughed at all the key moments.  They also had really insightful things to say about the film and made it deeper than I thought it was.  It took a little while to sink in, but instead of being negativo, I accepted their enjoyment of the film and felt really happy about the experience.

This DVD cover looks pretty funny and I’m not sure about the marketing/design of it.  However the DVD and instructor is wonderful.  Karyne Steben is a Cirque du Soleil acrobat and she announced that 6 weeks after birth, she would be filming an HBO documentary and needed to get back into shape.

I’ve been mostly doing 20 minute walks and haven’t done much strength training.  Doing strength training makes sense for several reasons: 1) being healthy for the myself and the baby, 2) delivery is a strenuous process and will require a LOT of strength and 3) getting back into pre-pregnancy weight will be easier.

I like Karyne because she is gentle, has a matter of fact attitude and is low key.  She lacks the bubble gum cheery facade that some workout DVD’s might have.  The workout is challenging and yesterday I’ll admit I only got through 20 minutes of it before I decided that I could not go on.  Today my body feels slightly sore but also more engaged and it feels good.

You can be sure I’ll be buying this video…check out her abs!!

Today I took the train in to Manhattan and during the commute decided to put the order of my script on index cards. Every transition I would be able to physically see rather than try to recall what happened by thumbing through my script. I got this tip from Ben Affleck talking about writing Gone Baby Gone. What often puts me in a muddle is trying to figure out what happens where and figuring out how it all fits together. It’s enough to make me want to clip my nails, pluck my eyebrows, wash dishes or do anything to avoid having to deal with it.

I met with my dearest friend R for lunch and then headed to my brother’s graduation at Radio City Music Hall. It was almost three hours and by the end of it, I had to get out before everyone left. Sitting in the chair while pregnant was quite painful. The highlight were the CEO of the A&E channel and Chris Matthews of Hardball. The both stressed the importance of sticking with things and being absolutely tenacious with whatever your passion was. They offered personal and stories of their humble beginnings and how they “made it”. The female CEO of A&E described herself as a girl from Queens and Chris Matthews said his first job was as a Capitol cop so he might infiltrate Washington’s “in” group.

Apparently some people think Chris Matthews is a jerk, I’m not sure because I haven’t seen him in action. But what I do know is that I liked what he had to say today. I hope I can find that speech on YouTube.

Today I walked to the music store to work.

Before I left for work I read a few chapters of Syd Field’s book, The Screenwriter’s Problem Solver. It was really helpful because I do feel I’m bit hung up on the main character being interesting enough. There are some things I need to think about including: the character’s point of view, the character’s relationship with others and what the character intrinsically wants.

While at work I listened to the Creative Screenwriting Podcast and listened to the producer of the movie “Waitress“. I had heard about the murder of actress/writer/director Adrienne Shelly two years ago. But when I heard Michael Roiff talk about Adrienne and how she herself was pregnant and became a mother while making this project happen, it really touched me. Apparently she had become pregnant and being an actress felt torn about becoming a mother. She had worked so hard to cultivate her career and suddenly found herself at a crossroad (sound familiar?). He said that Adrienne showed it was possible to have it all, to be a mother and to have a career. It was inspiring to hear and it made me Netflix the movie and get my ass hauling on my script. You hear of people being hurt or arrested in the news and they are more or less flat characters or intangible. Listening to Michael talk about Adrienne being a wonderful mother, a writer/director with a clear vision made her come to life for me, flesh and blood.

Tomorrow I leave for a meditation retreat for a few days. I’m a bit nervous about it but also excited. They are always hard work but worth the effort.

I forgot I went to yoga yesterday and that was fantastic.

I also FORGOT to register for the screenwriting class I planned to register for so I’m a bit bummed. My buddy told me not to worry and to go to the class to see if I could be added in. I love my friends.

Funny quote from Triggerstreet.com

Yesterday our yoga instructor suggested we bring things to the birthing event that help us relax.  My girlfriend who recently had a baby also suggested the same thing.  I will lose this list if I write it in a note book, so I’ll put it on the blog for later reference:

Gatorade

Hot compress/Cold Compress

Lots of Fruit - Apples, bananas,

Water

Oatmeal with honey with almonds. (I’m not demanding or anything)

Yummy tofu soup with seaweed and enoki mushrooms (okay, mebbe slightly demanding)

Wine (Opus 1)

Flight of the Conchords DVD

Dumb and Dumber

Chris Rock

30 Rock Episodes

Lots of cartoon books (Lynda Barry, Chris Ware, Mutts)

A sign that says: “You Can Do It!”

Pillows

Ina May’s books

I’ve always been an active person and staying healthy and fit is top priority for me. It will hopefully make everything better for the baby and allow me to have a speedy recovery.  I’ve found that I needed to adjust my fitness routine

Yesterday I went to prenatal yoga in Manhattan. I’m not sure if I’ll continue going there simply because I’m not going to Manhattan as much, it’s a bit tiring to go there and expen$ive. However, I do enjoy the classes because I love yoga and I like the women that I meet. We’re pretty much on the same page in terms of caring for ourselves and our unborn kids and also not necessarily accepting medical conventions.

This Christmas I got a bike for a gift. Then I got pregnant in January. If I lived in Amsterdam, land ruled by bike riders, I might ride the bike. Unfortunately I know two people who are very close to me who have fallen off their bikes and injured themselves, one pretty seriously. I don’t even want to risk that right now.

My old fitness routine:
Running 3-5 miles
Yoga
Lifting weights, going slightly hardcore
Dance class, either jazz or broadway (My FAVE!)

My alternative/pregnant fitness routine:
Prenatal Yoga DVD
Swimming (need to get a bathing suit…”Watch out for the whale in the pool!” *sigh*)
Walking (I’ve been doing this a lot lately)
LIGHT weights

I’ve been listening to Creative Screenwriting podcasts and they are terrific. So far I’ve listened to the writers of Little Miss Sunshine, Shaun of The Dead and Juno.

The writer I seemed to relate to most to was Michael Arndt because he was from Brooklyn and discussed how difficult it was to find people to give back good criticism. Constructive and succinct without crushing and without coddling you. He also quit his job because he felt that writing after work and on the weekends was for the birds.

Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg talked about their cartoon flip book style of writing which blew my mind. They would do their entire movie with drawings on sheets of paper before they went to the computer. It pushed my creative button big time because I’ve always enjoyed acting AND drawing and felt that I must either ACT or DRAW and I felt those two worlds could not meet.

Diablo Cody talked about how she was working her ass off at two jobs while writing her script. She also commented on how critics ALWAYS tried to discredit her and put her down by saying that she was a sophomore success. It’s very interesting how naysayers work. I wonder if those naysayers had any screenplays that they had written, or any projects they, themselves were working on.

Anyway a little juice to keep me (and you, dear reader, going ^_^)

In more mundane, short film news, we’re getting the computer this week or next and I’ll be able to edit!! Also found a GREAT film student to help out with the titles. Things are humming.