Valentine’s Day

February 23, 2008

Today is the first day in weeks where I haven’t woken up with a sick stomach. It made me a little nervous because I wondered if there was something wrong with the pregnancy. I’ll feel better when I have the ultrasound to see if everything is ok.

I went on an audition for a medical patient audition on Tuesday. The casting director had brought her adorable 2 year old child. She was a very cute kid. The casting director brought three Asian girls, including myself into a room with an older white gentleman. She interviewed us and asked us about ourselves. She also wanted to see if we had taught.

The first girl, in bright pink sweater and who was a very sweet girl talked about how she was a teacher, a nanny and from the same town that the casting director. It was pretty much all over from that point because it was obvious that they were drawn together.

When my turn came up, I fought to keep the bile from rising in my throat. My stomach swam and my face felt really warm. Not one of my finest moments. I also had no teaching experience whatsoever. As I spoke, the casting director sighed a little and her eyes fluttered impatiently as I spoke. She was not feeling me. I was not feeling good. I looked down to see the casting director’s daughter was at my feet with an orange crayon scribbling on my headshot. That pretty much summed up the audition for me.

I thought about my 3 year career (now going into it’s fourth year) and realized that I have worked steadily as an actress. I did not teach because I never had a desire to teach, I have a burning desire to work in show business and earn money there. I feel good about being an actress first, and a writer/film maker second. This wasn’t a job about talent, it was who got along well with the CD. I am not a super articulate sweet kind of actress. I watch people, I listen, I observe and I’m not overly effusive. I’m edgy, emotional, say controversial things. I’m not medical student training material and I’m okay with that.

In other news, I quit my day job at the advertising agency last Friday. I wish I could say that I carefully and strategically planned it and saved $30,000 but nothing could be further from the truth. That morning on the train, I felt myself saying: “I don’t want to work there anymore.” When I walked into the office, I spotted my acquaintance who is also a supervsor of mine wore a funny looking hippie style Chinese collar type of shirt. I said : “Woah, what kind of shirt is that?” He was obviously pissed by the remark and retorted in a trying to be calm but seething underneath kind of way: “Well, what’s up with the Startrek sleeves on YOUR shirt?”. I know my Startrek, and my shirt, while wildly flower patterned was no Startrek shirt. Short story, he decided to give me “work” in the way of research and I just reached my bullshit limit. My body revolted and I just decided enough was enough and put in my 2 weeks notice. I don’t have that much money saved up, I have no job prospects, I have no idea what I’m going to do, but I feel fine about it.

These past few weeks I’ve been dragging myself out of bed to even get to work, feeling miserable all day. Then feeling sick and stressed on the train ride home. To come home to a poor husband who wonders where his wife went. So my plan is that I have no plan. I have an appointment with a modeling agency today… I guess in retrospect it’s probably not super smart because I’ll be a whale soon…but work is work.

I’m wearing my tightest jeans with a really tight shirt. That was a mistake, I’m not really comfortable. Ah well, live and learn.

One Response to “Valentine’s Day”

  1. I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

    Stacey Derbinshire

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