Archive for April, 2008

August 30, 2008

April 30, 2008

Today I went to New Jersey for a theater audition. It went well though I realized I could use a new monologue. I’ve used it for a very very long time. It’s like Marge Simpson when she buys the expensive Chanel suit and keeps re-purposing it over and over until she has nothing left but a Chanel bikini. I’ll work on one that my acting coach had suggested.

On the way back to New York I rode back with two other actors who also took NJ Transit. What could have been long, awkward ride turned into a really delightful time. We chatted about television shows, movies, plays and musicals (Note to self: must see Passing Strange) and acting. These guys work pretty consistently, have good heads on their shoulders and just nice good folks. If I have the opportunity to give people work, I’d definitely call them in.

Tomorrow I set up an appointment to do my first edit of my short comedy, SUPER psyched about that. Can’t believe it’s happening because the editing was the thing that was an obstacle.

On a personal note, I hadn’t realized that my friend lives so close to my neighborhood. We had dinner this past weekend and tonight we are going to walk her ultra smart and adorable dog. I don’t live near many of my friends (in Manhattan) so I tend to feel a bit isolated.

Next week, I’ll start working part-time at a music store which sells high end guitars and gives music lessons. I’m excited about that because it will introduce some sort of regularity and I have a feeling the people will be nice.

Letting Go Of Toxic People

April 29, 2008

One of the cool things about being pregnant is my lack of tolerance for toxic people. It doesn’t mean people who are raving lunatics out on the street. It can also refer to people who have drama every five minutes and after talking to them for five minutes you need to take a nap.

Recently I heard an expression from a Buddhist talk describe people who have “sharp corners”. That is people who are aggressive, angry and always telling others what to do. Usually I try to understand things from that person’s point of view, then feel guilty about thinking about it and then think the best of the person…and this goes on and on. I simply don’t have the energy to do this anymore and I feel it has actually improved my life. I’m a little more binary and when something feels like it works I move towards it, if not then I slowly roll away.

My closest friends are people who support me whether I’m successful or not. They sincerely root for me when things are going well. When I’m with them, I feel a lightness and interest. Nothing is forced and we naturally laugh hysterically together.

Here was an interesting article someone forwarded to me written by Danielle Barone:

Dealing With Toxic People

Toxic people. If you are experiencing this in your life, let me share with you what I have learned. I think I can help you to feel better.

* Be comforted in the fact that you are not alone. Every person walking the earth knows at least one toxic person in their life. The toxic person is a family member, friend, associate, workmate, boss, etc. Toxic people come in all shapes and forms as they know no boundaries.

* Realize that until you stop allowing a toxic person to hurt you and your life, they will continue to do so.

* The most important thing to remember is that you have the power to stop a toxic person. You do this by controlling your own actions and reactions. As you probably already know, you cannot control the actions of other people. But the good thing is you can control yourself and your life. You have the power to walk away from a toxic person and not allow them into your life anymore. Freedom is a wonderful and liberating experience.

* Realize that toxic people can drain your health, energy, well being and sanity. It helps to move away from toxic people and move towards people who are positive and uplifting. Positive people are a blessing. Rely on your instincts, they never lie. Train yourself to move away from what hurts you and move towards what feels good. This is one of the smartest life skills you can learn, and also one of the best gifts you can ever give to yourself.

* Toxic people are extremely negative, nasty, miserable, whiny, jealous, inconsiderate, financially irresponsible, selfish, and abusive. They can be criminally minded, mentally ill, or just plain evil. Toxic people are also the ones that abuse alcohol or drugs and then hurt other people. The toxic individual exudes the dark side of human nature all of the time. They cause other people pain, craziness, and aggravation. They are not hard to recognize. Just take notice of how you feel when you are around one of these people. It will be easy to determine. You will immediately feel sick and experience physical symptoms like a headache or stomach pain. Or you will just feel like you are going crazy, but don’t worry that is the true mark of being with a toxic person. Remember this so that you will be better able to identify a toxic person. That is the first step towards eliminating one from your life.

* Know that when a person is toxic it is because of their own issues. Sometimes these issues can consist of mental illness. Accept that a toxic persons behavior has nothing to do with you. In life, each of us has to take responsibility for our own actions. Toxic people do not do this. They have a habit of turning things around so that you feel bad, you feel guilty, and you feel like you are at fault. Remember that when dealing with a toxic person, they are responsible for their own actions, but often do not. Realize this and you take back your power.

* The best thing you can do when dealing with a toxic person is to walk away and not allow them to hurt you anymore. If you cannot walk away, then mentally walk away. You can do that by being kind to yourself. Allow yourself to disengage, disassociate, and detach. Detachment is a process of not caring.

It is something you do for yourself. It is a mental skill that takes some time to learn at first, but once it is mastered, it can help you to become stronger mentally and physically. Detachment is a necessary skill for preserving your own mental health. Detaching from people and situations that are not good for you is healthy and can help you to feel better. Begin detachment by repeating affirmations. Affirmations are powerful because over time, the mind believes what we program into it. The following are some good examples to help you, but feel free to make your own that speak to you personally.

I do not care about ***.
I will not allow *** to hurt me.
Detaching from*** will help me to be healthy on many levels.
I control my own life and decisions.
I am strong.
I feel good about the decision to detach.
Detachment is healthy and necessary.

* When dealing with toxic people remember that exercise is your best friend. Exercise relives both mental and physical tensions. It helps the body to produce healing chemicals that will repair your body and help you think more clearly. Exercise also encourages the release of endorphins, chemicals that relieve pain and help you to feel good both mentally and physically.

* Most importantly develop supportive relationships with your life partner, friends, family, workmates, and associates. There is strength in numbers. Talking things over with the people in your life who love and care for you, can help you to overcome the negativity of toxic people. Just as animals and children instinctively can sense when someone is good or evil, the people who love you are very good at recognizing when someone is toxic and hurting you. Loved ones are a good defense against toxic people because they can offer you good advice and support for eliminating negative influences in your life.

Auditions Do’s and Don’ts

April 29, 2008

These are tips I’ve learned from either being an actress or being on the other side of the table. They’re also a reminder for myself.

-Don’t stop midway through an audition and talk about how you can not possibly play a character.
-Don’t talk about how your friend is in jail for murder.
-NEVER apologize, OWN it! One audition isn’t going to make or break your career.

-Be confident, friendly, be healthy and at ease with yourself. (<–<I feel this is the MOST important one.)
-Look the best you can.
-Be positive. Don’t talk about how the weather is giving you an allergy, how you have to get your energy up or how you hate the script. If you’re from LA, please don’t diss New York and say how grey it is.
-Keep small talk to a minimum unless it’s about another fabulous project you’re in.
-Have the scene solid.

I recently had the privilige of being a reader for pilot season auditions and there were three recognizable faces who were were all top notch. Two read from the script, and barely knew the lines. But they both pulled if off because they were confident and were joyful with their read. The third recognizable talent was spot on without the script. All three were like lightening bolts that flashed through the thick fright and weak choices of other actors. They were also very nice people.

April 28, 2008

April 29, 2008

I’ve been in a strange transition lately but I’m trying to see the positive:

Physically I’ve been getting bigger and slightly bummed out. Nothing fits and I just FEEL heavy. Walking is a chore.

Upside is that I am starting to buy *new* outfits that are cute but loose around the mid-section.

Mentally, I am also figuring things out. I am trying to find a routine while I’m not working full-time, in between auditions [which I also realize I will have less and less of]. As someone who has focused on their acting career for the past four years, it puts me in a slight funk. I don’t think my issue is unique to working women but I do feel that being an actor one’s physical being is attached to their profession unlike a programmer or a doctor.

Upside is that I’m very excited about being pregnant and I feel wonderful that I have a baby inside of me. I feel very lucky and really excited about it. I’m not the “mommy” type which is someone whose wanted kids since she was a kid. However, I love my husband, we’re super psyched and it feels really good to bring a kid into the world where I know it’ll be loved and cared for.

Other upsides:
I’ve been taking an editing class to edit my short films, it’s awesome. I hadn’t realized how easy Final Cut Pro is. I have a ton of questions but also feel pretty good about my handle on getting my stuff done. To be able to have images of me running around on the big screen (I hope) while I’m out of commission gives me a little bit of comfort.

While taking the editing class, I went to get lunch at a Quiznos nearby. As I was eating my sandwich, the guy who made my sandwhich approached me. He was very skinny, young and wore braces. He said: “Excuse me, are you Korean?” and I said “Yes.” Then he asked “How old are you?”. I was confused. I said: “I’m married.” [Later, as I was relaying the story to my husband, he added gleefully: “AND four months pregnant!”] His eyes got wide and he said: “Woah, you look really young.” This never happens to me and at this particular moment I felt it was Buddha’s/God’s/Mohammed’s way of giving me a gentle, cool breeze on a hot summer day.

Morning Routine

April 28, 2008

Ideal Schedule:

Wake up.



Come home, shower

Eat Breakfast


Dress and go….

Current Morning Routine:
Wake up

Check Email

Look at the internet

Put on TV

Eat Breakfast

Run off to appointment…

Exercise – August 22, 2008

April 24, 2008

Woke up, meditated for 20 minutes.

I went to the gym and walked for 30 minutes. Then I met with my mom, cousin and her daughter to talk to her about being an actress. We met at Ah Rhee Soo in Flushing which is a terrific Korean restaurant.

When J came home, we went to play tennis. Surprisingly, I managed to fare well on the court. It was a lot of fun.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping and made it a point to exercise a bit more today so that I might fall asleep and stay asleep. I also didn’t take a nap, we’ll see how it goes.

Benefits of Yoga

April 24, 2008

I wrote 2 pages on the train going to my yoga class today.
I FINALLY signed up for yoga and it was a lot more strenuous than the last class and I was pretty pooped.

I met a friend for lunch at Green Symphony, the most expensive health food deli style restaurant. The food is addictive, but over priced.

I came home, cleaned up, took a nap and cooked.

Happy Monday

April 21, 2008

I took the blog down temporarily due to a blog snafu but it’s back up now!

I met with MG today and he showed me photos he had taken of his travels in Morocco, Spain, Tusnia, The Netherlands (where we got to meet up last year), Sweden etc. They were beautiful and also laid out by this really cool Flash application he created.

I went to lunch at Cafe Gitane with AS and we ate the yummiest food. She talked about how she has begun interviewing famous Hollywood types and gave really hilarious accounts of doing it We share the same philosophy in life, of creating your own opportunities, of being persistent and going after what you want. Having a conversation with her was invigorating and a lot of fun. I encouraged her to work on this show she wanted to do and she encouraged me to do an online video of finishing a script.

I dropped by SMC’s house and worked on my screenplay, some of the edits that needed work. Psyched! SMC also yelled at me to get the short he acted in done. I needed that.

Then I dropped by BY’s apartment to tape his audition for a casting in LA.

Then I went to SK’s birthday party at The Rusty Knot. It was a lot of fun, I saw a few old friends from my old day job. Headed home, ate and fell asleep.

April 16, 2008

April 16, 2008

Today I have an audition and a reading of a play with a director I really dig. Later I have a dinner with another director I may work with.

Oh crap, I also remember I have to send my producer storyboards for our title intro of our short. During the first trimester I let things slide because I felt like crap all of the time. Now that I’m back in commission, I want to get back on the ball with the projects. Well, I’m sitting on the ball, or at least kicking the ball around instead of ignoring it.

Yesterday I received a residual check from a show I did last year. THANK GOD.

My belly is sort of showing now. The fact that a baby is coming in a few months is becoming more of a reality. I read on the internet that it’s a good time to bond with the baby and start talking to it. It’s about 4 inches long and shies away from light if you put a flashlight near it.

April 15, 2008 – 15 Weeks

April 16, 2008

The weather was gorgeous out today. Bright, sunny and glorious.

I had a meeting scheduled a meeting with my coach and a writer/director I might work with.

Then my brother and I went to visit The French Culinary Institute. That place rocks! He’s thinking of enrolling and we had a tour of the facilities. I hate cooking but it temporarily made me want to become a chef.

I met with my buddy, SC and we had coffee at Starbuck’s. We’re planning to meet Thursday to write.