Third Trimester Reflection

July 2, 2008

As I write this blog, I realize that I do it to ensure that I stay on track with my hopes and dreams.  With insomnia and brain shrinkage my mind races into millions of possibilities and scenarios and thus leaving me in a whirlwind.  This is not how I usually operate.  I’m usually able to clearly define what I want and how to get and then go do it.  Being in this fog-like state is difficult for me.

(Instead of editing 😦  I read an article on Zen Habits which I found helpful.  It talks about Ralph Waldo Emerson and how his mind would constantly wander and how he dealt wth it.

My main objective is come January 2009, that I’m back on track with my acting career.  This means I’m in shape mentally and physically, I’m auditioning, I’m in class and back in the game.  In order to do that, it’s very important for me to have my projects done before (God-willing) my baby arrives. (Potentially difficult?  Yes. But I’ve been meeting more and more actress mothers and see it is possible.)

What seems to skip me up is trying to start money making schemes.  I get paranoid that I’m not making enough money at my drudge day job and I must start a business to supplement my income.  Since I’ve been pregnant I’ve thought of several money making ideas:

selling makeup on ebay
designing greeting cards
starting a graphic design business
scrapping everything and being in Human Resources

The problem is I don’t WANT to do these things.  They are things I think I SHOULD be doing instead of what I really WANT to be doing.  These crazy ideas stem directly from a fear and self doubt which seems to rear it’s annoying, sinewy head quite often.  And it’s completely counterproductive.  Thinking about getting a “real job” simply creates worry, stress and fatigue instead of focusing and keeping my eye on the prize.

So yes, I’m going to face exhaustion today from waking up at 2:30, but I’ve decided to stop whining and get back on the horse.  Instead of wallowing, I’m going to be proactive.

As Mike Meyers would say in Wayne’s World: “Game on!”.

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