37 weeks – 2-4 weeks to go

September 17, 2008

Sorry for not posting for a bit.  I’ve been wavering from feeling totally awesome to totally exhausted.

It turns out that the baby is transverse breech.  Seems my daughter is undecided whether or not she wants to come out or not.  So we are up for an ECV (moving the baby manually) or a C-section. Earlier I was super freaked out, but at this point, I realize how little control I have over things.  Yesterday we got a playpen/bassinet thing, a stroller and an extra base for the carseat/stroller thing.  

In strange/awesome news, I had an audition last week.  I got a call from my agent and he said there was a play going up in London in February.  They wanted to see me.  I asked if they knew I was eight months pregnant and the agent said yes, they don’t care, they want to see you.  I was split on attending this audition.  I was grateful for the opportunity but at the same time, I wasn’t sure if I was able to do it.  All the more reason to go for it.  I worked with my acting coach and a dialect coach. While I didn’t nail it out of the ballpark, I felt that I did very well at the audition.  That’s all I could ask for.  I also met another Asian American actress who has a little girl and she was super psyched to see me.  She ran over to me and gave me her number and told me to call her.

I’ll admit, these past few months have been a bit rough on my actor psyche.  But I felt if getting an audition at 8 months pregnant isn’t a sign to continue, I’m not sure what is.  I’ve worked hard these past 3.5 years and I realized that if I gave up acting to pursue a REAL JOB, I would not be happy.  I might even blame my child for sacrificing my career, but actually I’d have no one to blame but myself.

I admit I also was stuck with the screenwriting.  I hated the screenplay and began feeling utterly hopeless about it.  And when the going got tough, I decided to start drawing a greeting card line. I even printed a few up at the printer…but then after deep reflection, I asked myself, if I were going to die, what would be the most important thing to me to do?  Aside from being a mom and wife?  And a little weak, feeble and neurotic voice said: “The damn screenplay!”

Being in screenwriting class has been really helpful.  The people in the class are very supportive and have a very good sense of what works and what might not work.  Two girls in the class (who are also actresses and pretty terrific writers) want to pair up with me to continue on our work.  So I’m back on track and unstuck.

In other more important news, my friend’s mom has been feeling under the weather.  This woman is one of the kindest, most beautiful people ever.  Every time I see her and her family we are filled with love and warmth.  It just reminded me how precious time is and how lucky we are to have people like that in our lives.

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