Woah Baby!

October 25, 2008

On October 2nd around 7:30, I was in the bathroom and felt my water break.  I was casually having a conversation wtih my husband and realized what happened.  I didn’t want to panic him so I calmly said: “Oh, huh, I think my water broke.”  We had read and heard from many sources that we’d probably have time to eat dinner, go shopping or go see a movie.  We called our midwife and she in a round about way told us to get our asses to the hospital.

I had packed two big bags and J told me to only pack one because he KNOWS hospitals and they wouldn’t be able to have all that stuff in the room.  I protested that I needed EVERYTHING.  I ended up shoving everything in one bag, stuck a chucks on the car seat and we headed to Manhattan.

I began experiencing contractions, but nothing too crazy.  We listened to this CD of Buddhist chanting.  I bought it earlier when I had we had the ECV done to calm my nerves. It really did help both of us calm down and get perspective.  Blasting Cyprus Hill’s “I Could Just Kill A Man” or Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” didnt’ seem quite right.

When we got to the hospital, I carried my various pillows and the guard greeted me very kindly and said: “Good luck”.  Things happened very rapidly from that point.  The resident came in and checked on me, the doctor came in to meet me, and then off we went.  By then contractions were very regular, 3 minutes apart and quite painful.  However they made me very happy because the hormones being released were excellent for the baby and it meant her arrival was on her terms.

Like a movie, I was brought to the OR, a freezing room with a team of really good doctors.  I got the epidural (little ouch…) and lay shivering and chattering my teeth.  I used my meditation practice to calm myself and paid attention to my breathing.  I figured that if I remained calm that the procedure would be a lot better for myself and the baby.  When they asked if I wanted to see my husband, I said: “Yes please!” and the room cracked up.  Through chattering teeth I asked what was so funny.  The anesthesiologist said: “Usually at this point people are yelling for their husbands…”

The midwife on call and my husband came into the room and stood behind the curtain on my side.  The last two weeks I was really worried about the baby and if she would be okay.  It was very clear that I had no control over anything and whatever would be would be.

The midwife described what was happening during the procedure and then…when the baby was out, I heard her cry (thank god), they brought her towards me and she was GORGEOUS!  Lots of black hair, adorable little face and body.  They cleaned her, smeared the gunk her eyes, test her, put a hat on etc and then J was allowed to hold her near me.  She had stopped crying, was looking around and smacking her lips.  She looked very mature and aware of what was going on and was very calm.  Her eyes were bright and lucid and both J and I fell in love with her.  She arrived at 12:58 AM, 6 lbs. 13 oz. 19 inches long.

In the recovery room I got to hold her and being the smart baby she is, she began nursing immediately.  I had mentally prepared myself for the sleeplessness, the hard work, the tedium of being a parent.  I thought having a baby would drive a wedge between J and I.  What I hadn’t realized was the immense love you feel for your child when you meet them.  I worried that I might not bond with the baby due to the c-section, but that was not the case.  I can’t really describe in words how much I love her, but it felt immense.  Also, I feel it’s drawn J and I even closer in love…

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