December 11, 2008

December 16, 2008

Last week my friend told me of a theatre audition for a company I was familiar with for a character I knew I could play.  I also happened to read “Our Lady Of 121st Street” and learned the monologue which I felt was appropriate for the audition.

I practice for an hour everyday for three days.  I still don’t have the lines down, I fumble, I suck.  I’m not someone who can look at a page and can immediately memorize things.  I’ve seen actors like that, I’m not one of them.

Wednesday – December 10
My friend and I went to the theatre company yesterday and after an hour and NO ONE showing up, we left.  I thought, perhaps this audition wasn’t meant to be.  I called the theatre company and learned the auditions would be tomorrow.

Thursday – December 11
The next day as I was about to leave my house this morning, my baby began screaming her head off.  She got her shots two days ago and I assumed that’s what it was.  My babysitter arrived and I said: “I might not be going anywhere.”  Her cries were like stabs in my heart and I feel bad that she doesn’t feel well and I can’t do much except hold her.

After a few minutes, she fell back asleep and I left for the city.

I arrived at the audition and the room was completely silent and tense (it was equity) and realized I didn’t have boob pads, UGH.  I’m breastfeeding and knew if I didn’t get the pads soon I’d be in a solo wet tee shirt contest.  I grabbed my jacket and purse and ran to Duane Reade.  I bought them, put them in place in the bathroom and then ran back to the audition.

My nerves were really getting the best of me today.  Breastfeeding also made me ravenous.  While I practiced I kept stopping and starting and fretted I couldn’t remember it.  I thought:  “What the hell am I doing here?  I’m not in shape. Why am I doing this?  I’m a terrible mother eaving my daughter at home…”  I could not focus, and every time the door of the audition room opened and an actor stepped out, my stomach would swim.

I also tried to produce tears for a certain part of the monologue and they weren’t coming.  This is what I get for learning a monologue in a week!!!  At the last minute I decided it was contrived and to screw the tears and do the character and not what I perceived it to be.  Doing a monologue is a dance between the literary and the physicality of the words and character.  My method is to move around say things over and over, see how the character would move or think.  And at the very very last minute, I decided to put a neat cap on the beginning of the piece, this way it’s a strong start and energy is not wasted shifting back and forth.

I walked in the room and almost announced:  “I’m going to do a piece from…” and I stopped myself and everyone giggled.   I recognized two folks from the theatre company and they smiled kindly at me and I felt slightly more comfortable.

I went into the monologue and it came out very well.  It felt solid, strong, committed.  I even got a GUFFAW at a part I didn’t even know was funny.  It encouraged me and gave me strength.  Instead of feeling terrible I felt like I was flying.  After I finished, their faces were beaming and I could feel in my entire body that I had a kick ass audition.

I don’t know if I booked it and don’t care.  (That willy nilly desire will probably seep in later after the euphoria wears off.)  I did well at a challenging audition and felt a bit like my old self again.

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