Wonky Weekend…

May 26, 2009

Baby M FELL OFF THE BED.  She usually nurses and then I put her back in her crib.  But she looked peaceful and sweet and I didn’t want to bother her.

I was feeling pretty good at 8:30 in the morning getting my plans in order at my desk when I heard a loud THWACK and then a wail.  I knew exactly what happened.  As I ran to the bedroom, the feeling of dread, guilt, fear, unhappiness filled my whole body and mind.  I scooped her up and we called the pediatrician and then quickly headed to his office.

Luckily he said she was fine (over her screams…she remembered the shots he gave her) and to watch her closely for the next few days.  He chuckled as we were leaving about how his son fell of the bed, the changing table…and even how he accidentally stuck his son with a safety pin while changing him.  Yikes!

Baby M is physically okay though she has quite the shiner and a red blood clot in her eye.  She is very understandably sensitive and wants to be very close to me at ALL times.  We were just making progress for me to venture out a bit more and this is a setback.  I definitely don’t feel comfortable leaving her right now.  The bruise is healing and the blood clot is harmless but I can’t help but wince every time I see it.

I often talk about my tribulations and successes of being an actresses, but this incident made me really think about things.  My daughter is one of the most important things to me, waaaaaay over any career.  Staying home with her is not an easy task but I feel pretty strongly about raising her myself.  She is adorable, super active and bright and so loveable.  I adore everything about her.  For a split second when I wasn’t aware of how serious her fall was, I thought I would lose my mind.

I thought stay at home mothers were a bunch of shrilly, dizzy, nincompoops.  Now I have so much respect for them.

I also can see where not being an actress would be more convenient.  Right now I’m looking for the signs that I’m meant to continue my acting career because right now, I’m just blue about the whole thing.

I wish I could shake it off.  I guess the best thing to do is to let the feelings flow naturally and move on.

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