Archive for July, 2009

About my solo show…

July 23, 2009

A lot of people love the show.  Some people hate the show.  Audiences are crazy for the show.  2 critics hate the show.  One of my dearest friends doesn’t care for it.  Some people like me better and some people like my partner in the show better.

I was slightly down about it, but got over it after a day.  I spoke to my teacher and he said critics hated his show and then he ended up winning the best play that year in a pretty big festival.

We as artists don’t do our art for the approval of others.  We do it because we are sharing our experiences with the world.  As a working actress sometimes it’s hard to keep that in prospective because acting is so subjective.  However, as my teacher said, there needs to be something inside of us that is unshakeable, something that keeps us going despite the strong winds and storms that come at us.

I also have been listening to the Artist’s Way and the author talked about how she was so jealous of female playwrights and could easily judge another playwright very harshly.  That is until she began writing her own stuff.  Suddenly she felt a kinship of writers she hadn’t felt before.

The point is to keep going, to keep moving forward and continue the art.  Art isn’t always pretty, it’s constantly improving and evolving.

And a quote about critics:

Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Excellent quote:

July 22, 2009

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis:

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.

It’s crunch time…

July 7, 2009

Summer

Press kits, comps, website, light plots OH MY!!!

My show is going up NEXT WEEK. I AM NOT EVEN PREPARED.  I had rehearsal yesterday which was helpful but I don’t know if I was very good.  I did not feel engaged with the material, I felt tired.

July 4th weekend was wonderful and relaxing.  Now it’s back to getting the show off the ground.

My intention is to enjoy this fun process, relax into it.  Not fight it.  😀

Happy 9 Months Birthday!

July 3, 2009
Toothless wide eyed grinnery

Toothless wide eyed grinnery

Baby M:

You are nine months old today.  I spend a lot of time complaining about motherhood and you may read this and be like, “MOM, geez!”

While I am not cut out for motherhood (I’m not and will never be a Betty Homemaker) you are a joy in my life that exceeds the drudgery of being a mostly working at home mother.  I was not really expecting to ever really be a mother, much less be totally in love with my kid…but I do.  Yes it is hard work, but you are so worth it.

You are moving around a LOT.  You are curious about every oject that is in front of you.  You are starting to stand up if you have something to hold on to.  You love to throw your whole body weight while you’re on the bed so I don’t put you on the bed anymore.

You are quite feisty and outspoken.  You know exactly what you want and you go after it with gusto.  Whether it’s eliciting a smile from a stranger on the train or a bottle of sanitizer, you reach for it and usually get what you want.

Right now you love to read books and turning the pages.

You are very expressive and smile with your whole face.  That’s the same expression that I used to do when I was an infant.

You get REALLY sweaty and that worries  me (though your dad scolds me for worrying).

My only hope with you is that when you are an adult, you can say to people:  “Yea, growing up was pretty uneventful, I come from a normal, happy family.  I love my mom and dad.  They’re my best friends.”

You are a joy in my and your dad’s life.  We love you very much.

Happy nine month birthday 😀

Gotta get the crackberry

July 3, 2009

I gave it up because I got all zen and felt that having email and the internet at the touch of my fingertips was taking me out of the moment.  The sad truth is that I need it.  All of my contacts have fluttered to the wind and being a mother just adds to the complexity of things.  Shrug.

Doggy Days of summer…

July 3, 2009
Stella looking for a bird to maim

Stella looking for a bird to maim

Found out feedback from the play I had auditioned for.  They really liked me but felt my schedule with my show would be a conflict.  An acquaintence happened to be sitting in on the audition and she said if it weren’t for that she was pretty sure I’d be in the show with her.  Nice to hear.  I FINALLY got the letter out to that one agent I had been thinking about and asked a casting director to put in a good word for me.

Since I’ve had the babysitter, I’ve been able to get things done.  I’ve gone a few auditions and have been able to get a lot of production stuff done for the show.  Also can shower and exercise on a daily basis.  I feel better.  That said, I’m not sure I’m 100%.  I haven’t gone much into it, but I’ve definitely been postpartum depressed for the past few months. From the lack of sleep, isolation, lack of help, it’s been a doozy.  No one really tells you how hard motherhood is and if you’re not a parent, you don’t quite get how difficult it can be.  Before my babysitter left, she chirped:  “I don’t know how you do this!  I’m exhausted after just four hours!”

I hung out with Babymonkey Momma in her Chelsea apartment and she is an amazing actress-mother, entrepreneur.  We talked about how we deal.  I laughed when she mentioned her 10 things to do list.  She is lucky if she gets one thing done. (Actually, I find doing only ONE career thing a day to be very effective)

A few days ago, I decided to try and take out gnashing my teeth out of the equation.  I’ve been paddling the boat with all of my might.  My mucles are tired and I’m sweaty.  I’ve decided to allow the boat to flow where it wants to go and enjoy the breeze that takes me along the ride.   I surrendered.  I’ll get what I have to do done, but other than that, I’ve surrendered to the fact it ain’t going to be perfect for a long time, so I might as well enjoy every moment.

So instead of thinking about the NEXT KID and how THAT will affect my life, I’m going to try and focus on the NOW.

After breastfeeding, I’m seriously considering getting a tattoo that says:  FOCUS ON THE MOMENT