Doggy Days of summer…

July 3, 2009
Stella looking for a bird to maim

Stella looking for a bird to maim

Found out feedback from the play I had auditioned for.  They really liked me but felt my schedule with my show would be a conflict.  An acquaintence happened to be sitting in on the audition and she said if it weren’t for that she was pretty sure I’d be in the show with her.  Nice to hear.  I FINALLY got the letter out to that one agent I had been thinking about and asked a casting director to put in a good word for me.

Since I’ve had the babysitter, I’ve been able to get things done.  I’ve gone a few auditions and have been able to get a lot of production stuff done for the show.  Also can shower and exercise on a daily basis.  I feel better.  That said, I’m not sure I’m 100%.  I haven’t gone much into it, but I’ve definitely been postpartum depressed for the past few months. From the lack of sleep, isolation, lack of help, it’s been a doozy.  No one really tells you how hard motherhood is and if you’re not a parent, you don’t quite get how difficult it can be.  Before my babysitter left, she chirped:  “I don’t know how you do this!  I’m exhausted after just four hours!”

I hung out with Babymonkey Momma in her Chelsea apartment and she is an amazing actress-mother, entrepreneur.  We talked about how we deal.  I laughed when she mentioned her 10 things to do list.  She is lucky if she gets one thing done. (Actually, I find doing only ONE career thing a day to be very effective)

A few days ago, I decided to try and take out gnashing my teeth out of the equation.  I’ve been paddling the boat with all of my might.  My mucles are tired and I’m sweaty.  I’ve decided to allow the boat to flow where it wants to go and enjoy the breeze that takes me along the ride.   I surrendered.  I’ll get what I have to do done, but other than that, I’ve surrendered to the fact it ain’t going to be perfect for a long time, so I might as well enjoy every moment.

So instead of thinking about the NEXT KID and how THAT will affect my life, I’m going to try and focus on the NOW.

After breastfeeding, I’m seriously considering getting a tattoo that says:  FOCUS ON THE MOMENT

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