Archive for March, 2011

Mental Self Care

March 7, 2011

At 1:30 AM this morning, Baby M decided to wake up and cry and demand that lights be turned on.  She didn’t go to bed for an hour.  Needless to say I’m a zombie today.  (Can you say, incoherent post?)

One of the things that is on my mind a lot is MONEY.  As a performer I’ve always prided myself on having a side job while pursuing an acting career.  That has become obsolete since I’ve become a mother.  I’ve been auditioning but most of the time I’m cleaning the house and or cooking (things I suck at).

I’ve always had a black or white attitude towards these things in terms of earning money and being an artist.  That is: either you earn a lot of money or you are a poor artist.  Right now I’m in “poor artist” mentality and it’s completely eating at me.  I liken it to mothers who decide they need to lose weight after having a baby.  My “weight” is earning money and it bothers met that I am not able to earn as much money as I’d like.  Even if I have a husband who can support me, I enjoy earning money.

I decided that not earning money  and not having a steady income was also causing me to stress out.  Yes, exercising, getting acupuncture, eating well etc. are all important things, but I feel earning/saving/investing money are really important to me.  And call me crazy but I don’t feel that being an artist is mutually exclusive from earning a decent wage.

So I will continue to care for myself because I feel it’s very important and I will also focus on personal finance stuff/work which I’ve sort of ignored.  Also

Action steps:

1.  Read: Overcoming Under earning.
2.  Check in on Actor’s Fund finance class
3.  Register with 2 temp agencies
4.  Refocus on submitting, auditioning.
5.  Create a spreadsheet of how much I want to earn per month

 

Extreme self care – starting NOW

March 2, 2011

I’m tired of being tired.  I’ve been exhausted for the past two years and four months.

Yesterday we had a reading of our web series that my writing partner and I are developing.  It’s very exciting because we have great actors reading and a potential director that I am gaga for.  But before the reading my thought was: “All I want to do is sleep!”.

I decided to go to  Zen Palate near Times Square.  I don’t eat meat and or poultry and I am a huge fan of Asian vegetarian cuisine.  I ordered wonton soup and the delicious broth reminded me of the meditation place I used to go to.  The recipe must be very similar to the Chinese vegetarian cuisine prepared their by the older Taiwanese ladies because it brought me back.

It reminded me of the meditation practice that I learned there.  Meditation always allows me to calm my mind and be more present.

It reminded me that I needed to relax and take care of myself. How can I show up to auditions let alone perform when I’m exhausted and about to fall asleep all the time?

Currently I am:
Not sleeping well
-Not exercising
-Not meditating
-Scattered and doing too many things
-Putting massage appointments off
-Text and or use my computer till 11:00 or later

I need to:
-Exercise – Call the dang Tae Kwon Do place and bite the bullet – TODAY
-Sleep – TOMORROW
-Make an appointment for a massage – TODAY
-Focus on ONE project – Drop the graphic novel, drop other random businesses – SIMPLIFY
-Make appointment with acupuncturist downstairs – TODAY
-Guard myself from draining/toxic people – RIGHT NOW
-Go to the meditation temple – THIS SATURDAY
-Self imposed ban with the computer/phone at 5:30 PM

I will make it a conscious effort to care for myself more.  It’s vital not just for myself but for those I love.  Is it really living if I’m grumpy and tired all the time?  It’s just getting by.  It’s doing the bare minimum and just existing.  I’ve been using being a parent as an excuse for too long.  I’m excited to get back to being healthy and am determined to be more like my old self.