Archive for the 'Baby Stuff' Category

Wonky Weekend…

May 26, 2009

Baby M FELL OFF THE BED.  She usually nurses and then I put her back in her crib.  But she looked peaceful and sweet and I didn’t want to bother her.

I was feeling pretty good at 8:30 in the morning getting my plans in order at my desk when I heard a loud THWACK and then a wail.  I knew exactly what happened.  As I ran to the bedroom, the feeling of dread, guilt, fear, unhappiness filled my whole body and mind.  I scooped her up and we called the pediatrician and then quickly headed to his office.

Luckily he said she was fine (over her screams…she remembered the shots he gave her) and to watch her closely for the next few days.  He chuckled as we were leaving about how his son fell of the bed, the changing table…and even how he accidentally stuck his son with a safety pin while changing him.  Yikes!

Baby M is physically okay though she has quite the shiner and a red blood clot in her eye.  She is very understandably sensitive and wants to be very close to me at ALL times.  We were just making progress for me to venture out a bit more and this is a setback.  I definitely don’t feel comfortable leaving her right now.  The bruise is healing and the blood clot is harmless but I can’t help but wince every time I see it.

I often talk about my tribulations and successes of being an actresses, but this incident made me really think about things.  My daughter is one of the most important things to me, waaaaaay over any career.  Staying home with her is not an easy task but I feel pretty strongly about raising her myself.  She is adorable, super active and bright and so loveable.  I adore everything about her.  For a split second when I wasn’t aware of how serious her fall was, I thought I would lose my mind.

I thought stay at home mothers were a bunch of shrilly, dizzy, nincompoops.  Now I have so much respect for them.

I also can see where not being an actress would be more convenient.  Right now I’m looking for the signs that I’m meant to continue my acting career because right now, I’m just blue about the whole thing.

I wish I could shake it off.  I guess the best thing to do is to let the feelings flow naturally and move on.

Nanny Issues

May 15, 2009

It’s been a while since my last post.  I’ve been caring for Baby M solo for almost three months.  It’s been challenging.  I’ve been depressed, cranky, nutty.  We decided after the show that we needed to get help.

A friend highly recommended someone and so this week we had a test drive of each other.  She was warm, funny and knowledgeable.  I cleaned the house and hung out with her.  I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room and I saw this woman pick Baby M by one arm.  I almost shit a brick.

Needless to say, we’re still looking.

Thanksgiving 2008

November 27, 2008

I had an audition on Monday, the first since I’ve had the baby.  I was really on the fence about going because I was exhausted and Baby M had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon and I didn’t think I’d have time to prep.  My friend encouraged me to go.

The verdict was that I didn’t suck, but I was definitely not prepared.  I was not in the right state of mind mentally and physically.  However, I do not regret going on the audition.  It gave me a barometer of where I was and what I need to do to get back into my audition mode.  I’m looking to take an audition technique class next month.

In writing news, the screenplay group is on hold this week and meeting up first week in December.  I’m still writing though.  How the hell did Sylvestor Stallone write Rocky in a week?  Or was it 3 days?

I’m also taking the solo show class which has been quite challenging.  I’ve wanted to write a solo show for some time and is precisely what I’ve been looking for.  The people are extremely talented, the teacher is experienced and has an excellent track record of getting shows off the ground.  Facing myself and my life has been interestingly tough.  I knew one really respected actress who took this class and she said: “After a while I realized I just need therapy!”  and I laughed because I knew what she meant.

Why am I doing this with a newborn infant?  Am I insane?  Actually, if I didn’t have a creative outlet with other creative people I believe I would be really insane.  Keeping myself tapped in and creating help me be a better person and therefore a better mother.  I never want to feel resentful towards my daughter because she is one of the greatest gifts ever bestowed upon me.   I want her to see her mother happy and fulfilled while hopefully being a caring and loving mom.

Baby Drama

November 14, 2008

After the six week check up Baby M is slightly jaundiced.  The bilirubin levels are very low so she’s okay for now.  I took her to the hospital to get blood drawn and she was a real trooper only crying once when they put the needle in and once when they took it out.  Watching that was a bit difficult for sure.

In other weird health news, I have major tendonitis from carrying the baby around.  This is funny because I’ve used the computer for years and NEVER had an issue.  Two months of baby and my wrists are all jacked up.  I have a carrier which I put Baby M in but she doesn’t like it.  I need to try and get a new carrier.  Yes, I’m spoiling the baby until she’s three months.  I like carrying her.  But my body is telling me I need to do otherwise.

In other news, I met with my screenwriting group yesterday and that was pretty fantastic.  I hope to have a draft done by the end of this month.

Baby Talk

November 10, 2008


Pics of Baby M

October 31, 2008


“Where is my cigarette and martini?”

“Why I oughta give you knuckle sandwich!”

Checking on baby…

October 25, 2008

All encompassing baby…

October 25, 2008

The month of October is all about baby.  Eat, sleep and poop.   And, oh, you just changed my diaper?  I POOP AGAIN!

Sleep is very important.  I definitely take naps whenever she sleeps.  I also knew early on that I needed help big time.  I did not want to get to the point where I’d be completely sleep deprived and emotionally raw to the point where I couldn’t take it.  I wanted to be able to be able to take care of the baby in a calm and happy manner.  I wanted to be preventative and happily accepted the help of J’s parents (WONDERFUL WONDERFUL) and my mother.

I also made a list of friends to call in case of a meltdown as well as activities to do if I felt bummed out:

Watch 30 Rock episodes
Take a walk
Call a friend, parents

The baby is wonderful wonderful, husband is loving and helpful.  Baby M cries when she is hungry, tired or has a poopy diaper (which are reasonable).  Otherwise she’s adaptable, calm and considerate.

Writing?  Acting?  Film making?  Whatever…October is baby month :-D!  (Though I did apply for a film festival for one of the shorts I made…also had a conference call for my writer’s group…though I was pretty exhausted)

Woah Baby!

October 25, 2008

On October 2nd around 7:30, I was in the bathroom and felt my water break.  I was casually having a conversation wtih my husband and realized what happened.  I didn’t want to panic him so I calmly said: “Oh, huh, I think my water broke.”  We had read and heard from many sources that we’d probably have time to eat dinner, go shopping or go see a movie.  We called our midwife and she in a round about way told us to get our asses to the hospital.

I had packed two big bags and J told me to only pack one because he KNOWS hospitals and they wouldn’t be able to have all that stuff in the room.  I protested that I needed EVERYTHING.  I ended up shoving everything in one bag, stuck a chucks on the car seat and we headed to Manhattan.

I began experiencing contractions, but nothing too crazy.  We listened to this CD of Buddhist chanting.  I bought it earlier when I had we had the ECV done to calm my nerves. It really did help both of us calm down and get perspective.  Blasting Cyprus Hill’s “I Could Just Kill A Man” or Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” didnt’ seem quite right.

When we got to the hospital, I carried my various pillows and the guard greeted me very kindly and said: “Good luck”.  Things happened very rapidly from that point.  The resident came in and checked on me, the doctor came in to meet me, and then off we went.  By then contractions were very regular, 3 minutes apart and quite painful.  However they made me very happy because the hormones being released were excellent for the baby and it meant her arrival was on her terms.

Like a movie, I was brought to the OR, a freezing room with a team of really good doctors.  I got the epidural (little ouch…) and lay shivering and chattering my teeth.  I used my meditation practice to calm myself and paid attention to my breathing.  I figured that if I remained calm that the procedure would be a lot better for myself and the baby.  When they asked if I wanted to see my husband, I said: “Yes please!” and the room cracked up.  Through chattering teeth I asked what was so funny.  The anesthesiologist said: “Usually at this point people are yelling for their husbands…”

The midwife on call and my husband came into the room and stood behind the curtain on my side.  The last two weeks I was really worried about the baby and if she would be okay.  It was very clear that I had no control over anything and whatever would be would be.

The midwife described what was happening during the procedure and then…when the baby was out, I heard her cry (thank god), they brought her towards me and she was GORGEOUS!  Lots of black hair, adorable little face and body.  They cleaned her, smeared the gunk her eyes, test her, put a hat on etc and then J was allowed to hold her near me.  She had stopped crying, was looking around and smacking her lips.  She looked very mature and aware of what was going on and was very calm.  Her eyes were bright and lucid and both J and I fell in love with her.  She arrived at 12:58 AM, 6 lbs. 13 oz. 19 inches long.

In the recovery room I got to hold her and being the smart baby she is, she began nursing immediately.  I had mentally prepared myself for the sleeplessness, the hard work, the tedium of being a parent.  I thought having a baby would drive a wedge between J and I.  What I hadn’t realized was the immense love you feel for your child when you meet them.  I worried that I might not bond with the baby due to the c-section, but that was not the case.  I can’t really describe in words how much I love her, but it felt immense.  Also, I feel it’s drawn J and I even closer in love…

Baby Shower

September 30, 2008

This is a week late but we had our “baby shower” this past Sunday, September 21, 2008.  Honestly, my husband and I are not baby shower types.  If you say “baby shower” to us, we both suddenly feel like we have white starched shirts on that itch around the collar.  We were not planning to have one due to my squeamishness of oohing and ahhing at gifts and J’s aversion to jinxing things (as he would say: stupidstition).

My dear, dear friend, Amanda E. decided to throw one for us anyway.  And I am surprised to say that it turned out to be one of the most special events of our lives.  When J and I nervously arrived at our venue we had no idea what to expect or what to do with ourselves.  No one was there and I thought it was a big mistake.  Who goes to a Chinese restaurant ALL the way in Flushing?

Amanda and Jonthan showed up with their beaming faces and bags of goodies.  They put beautiful roses on the table as centerpieces.  They brought white onsies and fabric pens for everyone to write things and draw on them.  They donated a gift on behalf of the baby for the International Day Of Peace.  They brought an album where people could write pieces advice for us.  They even suggested for people to bring their favorite childhood book as a gift (this was an excellent excellent idea as we now have the best library of books…and no blinking, blaring, noisy toys that collect dust)

As our friends trickled into the restaurant nervousness subsided and it was replaced by genuinely loving afternoon.  People loved the onsies and it seemed like everyone genuinely was having a fun time, connecting and chatting comfortably.  My mother commented that she had no idea how nice the event would be and regretted not bringing my other family members.  She felt it wasn’t a typical babyshower and felt very happy about it.

J and I felt so blessed for Amanda and Jonathan for putting this event together.  We feel so grateful to have friends like them.  It’s no wonder that everytime we see Amanda and Jonathan they have a ton of family members and friends surrounding them.  We don’t get to see our loved ones as often as we’d like to, and it was truly lifesaver for us.