Archive for the 'Daily Musing' Category

Thank you, Rachel Griffiths: Mother of Three!

June 23, 2009

This morning I was filled with despair because I thought about having another child and quite honestly that prospect bummed me out.  Talked to my buddy in my show, she gave me a nice talk:  Enjoy the ride and just let things happen without trying to CONTROL THINGS.

Also discovered Rachel Griffiths.  Thank you Perez.  Thank you, Rachel.  Yes you were a big star in your country before you came to the states, but that’s okay.

Sitter came by, she was decent. Spent the few hours doing the dance of training her and being sort of a host.   No naps for Mom.  Exhausting.

Yelled at husband when he innocently said the word “dinner”.   I was grumpy he was an hour late..also just plain exhausted.  Tired of being tired.  But hopeful things are changing.


Word for the week: FOCUS

June 18, 2009

I talked to a few of my performing buddies and they talked me away from the edge.  Yesterday I got really close to saying SCREW IT and move to South Carolina where we might be discriminated against, but at least live in a mansion.

Hubby told me he had dinner with co-workers who said we needed to stay in the suburbs.  I felt like telling them to kiss my tan behind. Hubby understandably complained about the high cost of living in a small urban space.  Also, if we have another kid, it will be even more crowded than it already is.  We live in a nice sized three bedroom apartment and the thought of contracting to a New York City space does freak me out a little bit as well.

That said, there are no perfect places to live.  And obviously my darling husband hasn’t read the post on the POWER OF DECISION making, ha ha, because he wavers on our decision of wanting to live closer to NYC.  I’ve decided to be unemotional and coolheaded at least about this.  I know living closer to the city would be better for us as a family.  I know it’s scary to move.  I know many people do not agree with what we want to do.

So here’s to keeping your eye on the prize.

Taking care…

June 18, 2009

Did a reading for a favorite playwright.  Honestly, it was a bit of  a struggle.  It was 3.5 hours long and it was really hot on stage.  I got really tired and delirious toward the end.  It made me realize I need to get my ass in gear and take care of myself.  I’m going to be onstage doing my show in less than a month.  I now know that while I’m breastfeeding, my body is still not quite it’s old self.  I thought about hiring a chef to teach me how to cook healthy vegetarian food and I think I’m going to do it.  I have six performances and I can not afford to go crazy.  I need the sustenance.   

I haven’t been taking care of myself lately.  I’ve not been sleeping well, eating well, exercise…what’s exercise?  Yes I’m back to my normal weight but I definitely need to exercise.

Finances for Artsy Fartsy Me

June 13, 2009

Theatre Ledger

I’ve started tracking everything I’ve been spending on the show and wanted to get a nice ledger to record things.  Doing it in excel makes it less easy to access.  I’ve had rinky dink notebooks that I’ve misplaced or lost.  Before our rehearsal today I went to Staples and picked up a ledger.

This ledger is from B.F. Keith’s Theatre in Indianapolis.

This show consisted of Bob Hope, and it was a two man dancing team doing sometimes SIX performances per day.  Jigga WHAT?  Wow.  I love this site because it dispells the myth that actors (or artists for that matter) are genuises who are suddenly and randomnly inspired.  He worked his tail off and from these ledgers it shows he was more than a performer, but was business savvy.

Perhaps one day someone will put my ledger into a museum.  I can hear the tour now:  “This is an exhibition of Hottie Actress Momma, her wardrobe, videos of her performances, her writings and… her ledger.  Look!  If we browse in this ledger, we see back in 2009, renting a rehearsal space in New York City was only $15 per hour!!”

The city makes me feel good…

June 12, 2009
This bag would be gone in .5 seconds in NYC

This bag would be gone in .5 seconds in NYC

Had an audition for a theatre production.  I did two pieces and the folks were really kind about it.  We’ll see if anything happens.

(It was a challenge to get there, I had my friend roll Baby M around in the carriage.  Also carry her up and down the subway stairs.  It was worth it.  I needed to see if I had the pieces in my head and they are there.)

FOUND: A babysitter!!!!  I’m so excited!!  I have great hopes for this girl.  She is temporary till she goes to law school in August.

Had coffee with a woman, D, I met at the opthomologist’s office.  She is so funny and  cracks me up so bad.  She has a baby the same age as Baby M AND SHE IS PREGNANT AGAIN.   When she told me that, my face expressed shock and she choked on her cookie laughing.

Positivity Galore

June 8, 2009

Baby M, chillin'

I’ve been complaining a lot so I’ve gone gangbusters and decided to run the other way to POSITIVITY LAND.  After falling and busting her eye, Baby M is now sick with a cold.  Today I’m focusing on relaxing while taking care of my little girl.  

I downloaded The Artist’s Way and Creative Visualization and already feel better.  We’ve been putting out fires left and right that sometimes it’s very easy to slide into negativity.  

This photo of Baby M makes me laugh so hard every time I look at it.  It sums up her current attitude.  She is feisty, funny and at the same time, a very good kid.  It puts me in a good mood.

Today is one of those few days that I’m glad I’m not working full time right (or even booked a commercial or film).  As Baby M coughs and hacks and sneezes with a running nose, I am grateful I can stay home and take care of her.  

So here’s to being positive.  (Raises a glass of soy milk)

What Makes Us Happy?

May 30, 2009

I read about this study conducted by George Vaillant and it was fascinating.  Over a course of 72 years, 268 “elite” were meticulously documented.  The purpose was to find out the patterns of happy, successful people thus bettering man kind.  

I heard the author, Joshua Wolf Shenk speak on NPR and one of the most important thing for personal happiness seemed to be (drum roll please):


This makes a ton of sense and all the more reason that I need a change.  Being a mother is quite isolating, being an actress can be isolating.  Slap these two together and you are living in Siberia.  Oh yea, add being in the suburbs into the mix and now you’re on the moon standing beside Neil Armstrong’s footprint.

I’m tired of complaining so I will stop.  I hope by August we are settling in somewhere closer to the city.

How to disagree…nicely

March 30, 2009

Many things have been pressing on the family lately:  Trying to care for an infant, trying to care for a house when I’ve never been Betty Homemaker, trying to cook when I’m not Betty Crocker, dealing with a sudden departure of our part-time babysitter.  We’re also considering moving and buying a home.  Once in a while there may be * SHOCK * disagreements.
We thought of ways that may help us improve our disagreements:

Try to cool down before talking.

Try to refrain from saying hurtful things that you may regret later.
It’s important to realize that words are extremely powerful.  Why say damaging things in the heat of the moment?

If you’re really mad, take a walk.  (BUT TELL THE OTHER PERSON WHERE YOU ARE GOING)

After you’ve cooled down, try this exercise:
One person “gets the floor”.  That means, for three minutes, they are sharing what is on their mind.  The other person completely listens WITHOUT forming opinions, arguments, tangents, evidence or conjectures to force their own opinion (this is what lawyers do but for matters of the heart, this does NOT work.).  The key here is listening completely with body and mind.  When the three minutes are up, the other person gets to have their say.

Other solutions include: hiring a maid, getting a personal organizer, getting another babysitter.  Cheaper solutions may include checking out  Also trying to laugh at the situation and realizing how things are temporary (the baby won’t be a baby forever).

Thanksgiving 2008

November 27, 2008

I had an audition on Monday, the first since I’ve had the baby.  I was really on the fence about going because I was exhausted and Baby M had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon and I didn’t think I’d have time to prep.  My friend encouraged me to go.

The verdict was that I didn’t suck, but I was definitely not prepared.  I was not in the right state of mind mentally and physically.  However, I do not regret going on the audition.  It gave me a barometer of where I was and what I need to do to get back into my audition mode.  I’m looking to take an audition technique class next month.

In writing news, the screenplay group is on hold this week and meeting up first week in December.  I’m still writing though.  How the hell did Sylvestor Stallone write Rocky in a week?  Or was it 3 days?

I’m also taking the solo show class which has been quite challenging.  I’ve wanted to write a solo show for some time and is precisely what I’ve been looking for.  The people are extremely talented, the teacher is experienced and has an excellent track record of getting shows off the ground.  Facing myself and my life has been interestingly tough.  I knew one really respected actress who took this class and she said: “After a while I realized I just need therapy!”  and I laughed because I knew what she meant.

Why am I doing this with a newborn infant?  Am I insane?  Actually, if I didn’t have a creative outlet with other creative people I believe I would be really insane.  Keeping myself tapped in and creating help me be a better person and therefore a better mother.  I never want to feel resentful towards my daughter because she is one of the greatest gifts ever bestowed upon me.   I want her to see her mother happy and fulfilled while hopefully being a caring and loving mom.

November 19, 2008

November 18, 2008

Today I have the 6 week check up with the midwife in Manhattan.  I’m taking Baby M to my in-laws house where we’ll have lunch YUM!  My Mom-in-law is the BEST cook so this is a treat.  I was supposed to meet up with a friend for lunch but she canceled so now I have a bit more time to mosey in the city.

I read the intro to Ma-Yi’s (Asian American Theatre Company in NYC) book of plays. Terrific!  I POLISHED MY NAILS.  AMAZING.

My wrists are feeling a bit better.  I found a way to hold the baby that doesn’t hurt.  I definitely wish someone had told me about this so could have prevented it.