Archive for the 'Gratitude' Category

Hello 2011!

January 18, 2011

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.  After getting back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival I was mentally and physically taxed.  It took me a few months to get back into the swing of things…but I’m back and ready to kill it.

Since then I’ve shot an indie feature, performed two theatre performances and developing a webisode with an awesome writing partner.  I’m in improv class and finally turned a corner and I’m having a blast doing improv.  I’ve been called in for primetime and network TV auditions regularly.

Baby M is now 27 months and babbling and speaking up a storm.  She is funny as hell, she has a wonderful personality and everyday I feel blessed to have her in my life.

It’s hard not to feel like this is my year.

A friend recently asked me if I regret having her or if I resent her because of my acting career.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Because of my daughter, I’ve become a much better person and if I hadn’t had her, honestly I’d have dived back into a full time job a long time ago, still trying to make the acting thing happen.

My acting career is flourishing because of my daughter.  Thanks to her I’ve had this magical time to pursue a career.

I recently had lunch with a writer/director friend who I really respect and for the first time, she said:  “Acting is your path.  It’s your gift.  It’s your duty to go after it.  If you didn’t, you’d be miserable.”

The past couple of years I’ve dipped my toe in the water.  I’ve tested the waters and now I’ve decided to do a canon ball into the pool.  I’m giving it my all and really having a blast.

Whatever your dreams are, go for them.   May all of your hopes and dreams come true for 2011!

Much love, Hottie Actress Momma.

more = less, becoming a minimalist…

August 15, 2010

I’ve decided to become a minimalist.  Let me explain.

My producer and I have been staying in the flat of a physics graduate student in Edinburgh.  The place is very simple and not huge.  The front door is beat up and the turquoise paint is chipping.  There is no dishwasher or dryer for our clothes.  I miss my daughter and husband very much, yet I feel very content.

This is in contrast to how I’d been feeling in New York: stressed, trapped and hot.  This was probably due to the heat wave and also due to planning this Scottish endeavor.  But I also feel that it was a bit deeper.

Lately, my husband has been very grumpy and his feelings affect me.  He works VERY HARD at work and  it is VERY STRESSFUL.  This made us unhappy.  On paper, we have everything going for us:  We live in a great apartment, we love each other, we find each other attractive (after a kid, that is no small feat).  We have all material things that we could possibly want.

But contentment alluded us.  The cycle starts with someone pointing out something that isn’t quite right in the house and then the whole thing gets blown up into a stupid argument.

I demanded that my husband needs to take breaks from work.  He’s not innately a grumpy person.  He’s the most handsome, wonderful, funny, sexy man in the universe.  But when stress gets to him, it’s a bummer.

And I came across this website:

And it confirmed everything that I’d been feeling.  We have too much stuff.  Buying stuff doesn’t buy happiness and I believe it actually increases unhappiness and clutter.

Instead of going faster we need to go slower.

Instead of complaining, we need to give gratitude for everything we have.

What’s important are the things that are invisible:  love, friendship, compassion, laughter, experiences…

Here’s the original article that I came across:

Transition from little pond to big pond…

February 6, 2010

For the past three years I was in the burbs and hated it.  I hemmed and hawed and complained.

I’m in the city.  I got my wish.  I’m no longer complaining.

Moving was slightly rough but I can honestly say that moving back to Manhattan has been the best thing for my family, for me personally and of course, my acting career.

I’m enrolled in classes, I’m doing readings, I’m seeing screeners.  I just updated my reel (I had no idea I could act!), I’m updating my website, I’m writing…I’m humming.

Mind is elsewhere…

October 27, 2009

Haven’t had much thoughts on acting right now.  I’ve been drawing a lot.  Not really scared about it just noticing it and going with the drawing.

I realized that I’ve been going nonstop for the past year.  I’m not complaining, I’m absolutely grateful for the wonderful work I’ve been lucky to do and folks who’ve helped me.  I just want a little break from acting right now.  I am savoring being with Baby M.  I’m taking it easy!

I met with my agent last week and she was very enthusiastic about sending me out for legit stuff.  My manager in LA is psyched to meet with me in January.


Interesting Developments

September 19, 2009

A really good friend of mine moved to Los Angeles. He had dinner with a producer friend of ours and told him about my solo show. The producer friend asked to read the script which I sent. He liked it. Then he asked to send a DVD. I got over my anxiety of how terrible I looked on DVD and sent it to him. If he likes it, then I might be able to do my show in LA!

AND in really wonderful news, we’re heading back to Manhattan. I’m so excited!! I know there are issues with living in the city…but it’s going to be a huge improvement to our lives, I know it.

Happy 9 Months Birthday!

July 3, 2009
Toothless wide eyed grinnery

Toothless wide eyed grinnery

Baby M:

You are nine months old today.  I spend a lot of time complaining about motherhood and you may read this and be like, “MOM, geez!”

While I am not cut out for motherhood (I’m not and will never be a Betty Homemaker) you are a joy in my life that exceeds the drudgery of being a mostly working at home mother.  I was not really expecting to ever really be a mother, much less be totally in love with my kid…but I do.  Yes it is hard work, but you are so worth it.

You are moving around a LOT.  You are curious about every oject that is in front of you.  You are starting to stand up if you have something to hold on to.  You love to throw your whole body weight while you’re on the bed so I don’t put you on the bed anymore.

You are quite feisty and outspoken.  You know exactly what you want and you go after it with gusto.  Whether it’s eliciting a smile from a stranger on the train or a bottle of sanitizer, you reach for it and usually get what you want.

Right now you love to read books and turning the pages.

You are very expressive and smile with your whole face.  That’s the same expression that I used to do when I was an infant.

You get REALLY sweaty and that worries  me (though your dad scolds me for worrying).

My only hope with you is that when you are an adult, you can say to people:  “Yea, growing up was pretty uneventful, I come from a normal, happy family.  I love my mom and dad.  They’re my best friends.”

You are a joy in my and your dad’s life.  We love you very much.

Happy nine month birthday 😀

Email from the sound designer of my show…

June 15, 2009

I’m not sure what it is about the show that I’m in, but it’s been really special.  It’s fun, I love the team we’ve assembled, we’re always having a good time.  The people who are part of it are affected in a positive way. I just had to share this email I got from D, one of our tech guys:

“Hey I just wanted to thank you again for the experience and i hope all is going well. I’ve been running the soundboard for an off off broadway production of the Who’s Tommy at the Gallery Players theater and I’m about to interview for another board op job with the KNF Co in midtown and its all thanks to the experience I got working with you guys. So thank you again that theater bug has got me good now!”

Positivity Galore

June 8, 2009

Baby M, chillin'

I’ve been complaining a lot so I’ve gone gangbusters and decided to run the other way to POSITIVITY LAND.  After falling and busting her eye, Baby M is now sick with a cold.  Today I’m focusing on relaxing while taking care of my little girl.  

I downloaded The Artist’s Way and Creative Visualization and already feel better.  We’ve been putting out fires left and right that sometimes it’s very easy to slide into negativity.  

This photo of Baby M makes me laugh so hard every time I look at it.  It sums up her current attitude.  She is feisty, funny and at the same time, a very good kid.  It puts me in a good mood.

Today is one of those few days that I’m glad I’m not working full time right (or even booked a commercial or film).  As Baby M coughs and hacks and sneezes with a running nose, I am grateful I can stay home and take care of her.  

So here’s to being positive.  (Raises a glass of soy milk)

Attitude of Gratitude

June 4, 2009

GratitudeNear my house is a Jewish Center and they always have these cool phrases on their sign.  This is their latest.  At first it annoyed me because I’m a constant striver, improver, I always want to do more.  But then it made me think about my attitude and how it’s not been very positive.  Also, my desire TO DO STUFF is actually a hinderence and only added to my angst.

I took a look last Wednesday’s “TO DO” list and had to laugh:

11:00 visit venue?
Pick up laundry/dry cleaning
Put stuff in mail
Return library books
Get watch battery
Call Real Estate Agent
Create Fanpage
Website (Twitter)
Create poster/fan page

What a nut. And thinking about those things made me almost lose my mind.

I decided after that to pare down drastically.

11:00 Conference Call re: Solo Show
Pick up police report for rear-ender

I’m lowering the bar by having two goals a day.  THREE THINGS MAX.

So far it seems to help.

Play Reading

May 20, 2009

I vowed not to do free acting work UNLESS there were tangible things that made the work worth while.  A playwright, who I adore, asked me to do a reading today, along with some pretty kick butt actresses.  Internally I hemmed and hawed, I had no idea how I could get a babysitter for rehearsal AND the performance.  I came very close to saying :  “Forget it”.  My very good friend who is an opera singer with an 8 month old told me to do it.   Guilt free…

UPDATE:  Hubby was late to get out of work and my mom was a bit stuck at our house (STRESSFUL).  I was exhausted, hungry and perpetually thirsty…but it was TOTALLY WORTH IT.  The script is very good and fun, the actors were kind, giving and talented.  The audience was appreciative and it was such a fun time.  The co-artistic director of a pretty kick ass theatre company came up to me and simply said:  “Really nice work”  It’s moments like these that make me feel really happy abut being an actress.