Archive for the 'Hopes & Dreams' Category

Money and Mommying

February 27, 2011

I just came across a post from Ramit Sethi’s blog about failure and just had to share it.

I’ve had many, many, many many jobs. Aside from acting, most of them I’ve been pretty shitty at:

Taxi dispatcher
Host at a restaurant
Personal Trainer
Marketing Associate
Flash Developer
Graphic Designer
Web Designer
Shoe Salesperson

Since I’ve become a mother, I’ve always wanted to start a BUSINESS.  Something that would give me a sense of autonomy and control of my otherwise pretty insane life.  There are a few things that I’ve tried and failed at and I have to admit I felt pretty cruddy about it.

Then I came across this video with Ramit Sethi and Tim Ferris and it’s great. The gist: You’ll fail a LOT and it’s what you’re supposed to do. Have the important things unshakable: Family, health, friends etc. and then go out and try whatever your heart desires. Because the only way to improve, learn and grow is by doing.

Happy 9 Months Birthday!

July 3, 2009
Toothless wide eyed grinnery

Toothless wide eyed grinnery

Baby M:

You are nine months old today.  I spend a lot of time complaining about motherhood and you may read this and be like, “MOM, geez!”

While I am not cut out for motherhood (I’m not and will never be a Betty Homemaker) you are a joy in my life that exceeds the drudgery of being a mostly working at home mother.  I was not really expecting to ever really be a mother, much less be totally in love with my kid…but I do.  Yes it is hard work, but you are so worth it.

You are moving around a LOT.  You are curious about every oject that is in front of you.  You are starting to stand up if you have something to hold on to.  You love to throw your whole body weight while you’re on the bed so I don’t put you on the bed anymore.

You are quite feisty and outspoken.  You know exactly what you want and you go after it with gusto.  Whether it’s eliciting a smile from a stranger on the train or a bottle of sanitizer, you reach for it and usually get what you want.

Right now you love to read books and turning the pages.

You are very expressive and smile with your whole face.  That’s the same expression that I used to do when I was an infant.

You get REALLY sweaty and that worries  me (though your dad scolds me for worrying).

My only hope with you is that when you are an adult, you can say to people:  “Yea, growing up was pretty uneventful, I come from a normal, happy family.  I love my mom and dad.  They’re my best friends.”

You are a joy in my and your dad’s life.  We love you very much.

Happy nine month birthday 😀

Children vs. Career: Brazen Careerist

June 23, 2009

I just read a terrific post by the fabulous Penelope Trunk.  The reality is that life is not binary, it’s not absolute.  It’s messy and complex.  Life can not be boiled down to a mathematical equation [if this then this].

This is not an issue of whether abortion is right or wrong, it’s about the myth of having children being bad for a career.

I got two abortions to preserve my career. To keep my options open. To keep my aspirations within reach.

I bought into the idea that kids undermine your ability to build an amazing career.

And here I am, with the amazing career.

But also, here I am with two kids. So I know a bit about having kids and a career. And I want to tell you something: You don’t need to get an abortion to have a big career. Women who want big careers want them because something deep inside you drives you to change the world, lead a revolution, break new barriers.

It doesn’t matter whether you have kids now or later, because they will always make your career more difficult. There is no time in your life when you are so stable in your work that kids won’t create an earthquake underneath that confidence.

Word for the week: FOCUS

June 18, 2009

I talked to a few of my performing buddies and they talked me away from the edge.  Yesterday I got really close to saying SCREW IT and move to South Carolina where we might be discriminated against, but at least live in a mansion.

Hubby told me he had dinner with co-workers who said we needed to stay in the suburbs.  I felt like telling them to kiss my tan behind. Hubby understandably complained about the high cost of living in a small urban space.  Also, if we have another kid, it will be even more crowded than it already is.  We live in a nice sized three bedroom apartment and the thought of contracting to a New York City space does freak me out a little bit as well.

That said, there are no perfect places to live.  And obviously my darling husband hasn’t read the post on the POWER OF DECISION making, ha ha, because he wavers on our decision of wanting to live closer to NYC.  I’ve decided to be unemotional and coolheaded at least about this.  I know living closer to the city would be better for us as a family.  I know it’s scary to move.  I know many people do not agree with what we want to do.

So here’s to keeping your eye on the prize.

Email from the sound designer of my show…

June 15, 2009

I’m not sure what it is about the show that I’m in, but it’s been really special.  It’s fun, I love the team we’ve assembled, we’re always having a good time.  The people who are part of it are affected in a positive way. I just had to share this email I got from D, one of our tech guys:

“Hey I just wanted to thank you again for the experience and i hope all is going well. I’ve been running the soundboard for an off off broadway production of the Who’s Tommy at the Gallery Players theater and I’m about to interview for another board op job with the KNF Co in midtown and its all thanks to the experience I got working with you guys. So thank you again that theater bug has got me good now!”

Finances for Artsy Fartsy Me

June 13, 2009

Theatre Ledger

I’ve started tracking everything I’ve been spending on the show and wanted to get a nice ledger to record things.  Doing it in excel makes it less easy to access.  I’ve had rinky dink notebooks that I’ve misplaced or lost.  Before our rehearsal today I went to Staples and picked up a ledger.

This ledger is from B.F. Keith’s Theatre in Indianapolis.

This show consisted of Bob Hope, and it was a two man dancing team doing sometimes SIX performances per day.  Jigga WHAT?  Wow.  I love this site because it dispells the myth that actors (or artists for that matter) are genuises who are suddenly and randomnly inspired.  He worked his tail off and from these ledgers it shows he was more than a performer, but was business savvy.

Perhaps one day someone will put my ledger into a museum.  I can hear the tour now:  “This is an exhibition of Hottie Actress Momma, her wardrobe, videos of her performances, her writings and… her ledger.  Look!  If we browse in this ledger, we see back in 2009, renting a rehearsal space in New York City was only $15 per hour!!”

Savor The Success…

May 17, 2009

A few months ago I came across a website, Savor The Success run by Angela Jia Kim.  She is a a classical musician as well as an entreprenuer, developing her own skin care line after developing a rash from a beauty cream.

I love this site because it is jam packed with information, positivity and women entrepreneurs doing their thing.  I love seeing empowered women who are successful and who help other women.

5 Reasons To Do a Solo Show

March 24, 2009

Here’s the scenario:  4 weeks to workshop and write a solo show.  2 weeks to rehearse and be offbook and perform at a KICK BUTT off-Broadway venue.  Impossible, you say?  We did it!

I teamed up with another kick butt actress and we did two of our pieces to a super enthusiastic audience.  Many of my friends (actors and not) came up to me and said: “I want to do that too!”.  And they should!  Here’s why:

1.  Everyone has a story to tell. And I mean everyone.  Your Aunt Biddy, the mailman, your next door neighbor.  Sharing a story doesn’t have to be done solely by actors.  By sharing where you come from, expressing what you have on your mind, you make the world a better place.  It’s important to follow a story structure, having a consistent persona, overcoming obstacles AND having the lesson learned.  For more info on that, check out Matt Hoverman. He is one of the most underrated, talented teachers in New York City.  If you are thinking of doing a solo show, he’s the go to guy.

2.  It’s fun! When people are laughing with you and captivated by your story, it’s exhilerating.

3.  It’s Challenging It is not easy to write a show.  If you write a historical piece or an autobiographical piece, it can be challenging.  You hit road blocks.  If you set out to perform your piece, it’s REALLY challenging.  Your mind tells you that you’re crazy, that you shouldn’t be doing it.  It threatens to go out on you while you’re on stage.  When you successfully read your stuff or perform on stage, you trancend your negative thoughts.  It’s very empowering.

4.  It can be good for your career If you are an actor or thinking of pursuing an acting career, it CAN be good for your career.  The actors that I’ve admired have been writers themselves (John Leguizamo, Hugh Laurie, Liz Lemon…uh Tina Fey).  Most recently I learned that Aasif Mandvi, corespondent on The Daily Show had his big break after he performed  his solo show.  And why not?  It seperates him from all others in his “type” and puts him in the spotlight.  There are many actors who complain that their agents suck, that they are not getting the opportunities to be seen.  As an actor, you must make your own opportunities and “products”.  This is how you get seen, by putting yourself out there.

5.  Your show can make people happy After my show, I had one friend call me and tell me saw me face my fears about a certain topic and she had the courage to overcome an issue she was facing.  Another friend said that the show made him think about life and his son.   People’s eyes and faces were shining with smiles.  Yea, they had been touched by the story, but most of all (and most important to me) they had been ENTERTAINED.  With all the doom and gloom in the news, it feels fantastic to make other people feel good.  Yea, we’re all in this together 😀

My inability to live with stillness…

March 31, 2008

Writing was a bit challenging today. I wrote for an hour, but I’m not sure where the character is going.

I decided I’m going to take a screenwriting class. I feel that being around other writers would be very helpful for me. In a few months (with the hopeful arrival of the little one…) I won’t be able to do as much writing as I can. I don’t want to fritter time away in my office by myself when I get stuck. I want to use this precious time I have to create fruitful work. Plus, the consistency will be good for me.

I met with my career coach today who steered me in the right direction in terms of perceiving what’s happening in my career. One week I’ll be auditioning for a network television show, the next I’m sitting around, depressed, on my couch wondering what to do with my life. I realized that without a full time job, the lulls of non-activity are really unsettling for me. Being able to focus solely on my acting career can be scary without the constant whir of motion…even if that motion is counterproductive. One of the major benefits of being pregnant (thank you, unborn child) is that I can only focus on one thing at a time. Physically I don’t have the energy.

After the feature and two shorts are wrapped up, I told my coach that in 2009 I wanted to put up a one-woman show. Surprisingly my coach was super psyched with that idea and, as it turns out, is an expert on one person shows. Winning various awards three years in a row at the New York Fringe Festival, teaching at Second City in Chicago and helping others launch their one-person shows nationally and internationally. I was a bit shy about the endeavor but now I’m quite excited about it.

Later in the day, I spoke with my best bud from high school who has THREE children. She was telling me inane jokes that she found through email. Usually I hate them but for some reason coming from her they struck me as funny. 

I find talking to my friends who have kids keeps me a bit sane. Especially in understanding how physically uncomfortable I can get sometimes. You can’t really explain it, it just is and they get it. Even if our loving husbands don’t.

Just got a call from a really cool casting director at ABC to be a reader for some auditions tomorrow. I love being there and seeing those guys. They are a compassionate group of people who care about actors.

Woah, dreams CAN come true…

March 27, 2008

A few days ago I had written how I wanted to work with a few people like Sophia Coppola, Wes Anderson etc. It just so happens that I’ll be doing some readings of screenplays in a program headed by one of the people on my wish list! Israel Horovitz. Very exciting.

I went to the library to write at 10:00 today and wrote for an hour. It was a good writing session. This writing in the morning I plan to do on a consistent basis.

Afterwards I met up with B and got the footage of my short that I will finish once and for all. I thank my husband for yelling at me this morning to get my projects done.