Archive for the 'Uncategorized' Category

What To Do When Everything is Crap

August 16, 2011

Flowery Imagery

This is one of those days where I really want to throw in the towel and quit being an actress and just get a job selling financial services to people.  Maybe become the next, Asian Suze Orman.

Here are a few reasons:

My babysitter is leaving us to go to graduate school even though she said she was going to stay with us for a “few years”.  This means I have to wade back into the pool of child care providers and it throws everything into a lurch.

I had a shitty audition for a dude who wants to be the next Wong Kar Wai.  Totally not my thing.  I should have not attended because it was totally wrong for me but I went anyway and felt lame afterward.

This spiritual adviser guy that I really cared for died a few weeks ago.

My dear friend died last week and I had no chance to say goodbye.  I found out about her death on Facebook.  I learned in her final days that they took her bed up to the roof so she could feel sunshine and brought a baby pool so her two little boys could play by their mom’s side.

My usual sunny disposition is a bit cloudy these days.  I have a web series to promote and it’s the last thing I feel like doing.

Mental Self Care

March 7, 2011

At 1:30 AM this morning, Baby M decided to wake up and cry and demand that lights be turned on.  She didn’t go to bed for an hour.  Needless to say I’m a zombie today.  (Can you say, incoherent post?)

One of the things that is on my mind a lot is MONEY.  As a performer I’ve always prided myself on having a side job while pursuing an acting career.  That has become obsolete since I’ve become a mother.  I’ve been auditioning but most of the time I’m cleaning the house and or cooking (things I suck at).

I’ve always had a black or white attitude towards these things in terms of earning money and being an artist.  That is: either you earn a lot of money or you are a poor artist.  Right now I’m in “poor artist” mentality and it’s completely eating at me.  I liken it to mothers who decide they need to lose weight after having a baby.  My “weight” is earning money and it bothers met that I am not able to earn as much money as I’d like.  Even if I have a husband who can support me, I enjoy earning money.

I decided that not earning money  and not having a steady income was also causing me to stress out.  Yes, exercising, getting acupuncture, eating well etc. are all important things, but I feel earning/saving/investing money are really important to me.  And call me crazy but I don’t feel that being an artist is mutually exclusive from earning a decent wage.

So I will continue to care for myself because I feel it’s very important and I will also focus on personal finance stuff/work which I’ve sort of ignored.  Also

Action steps:

1.  Read: Overcoming Under earning.
2.  Check in on Actor’s Fund finance class
3.  Register with 2 temp agencies
4.  Refocus on submitting, auditioning.
5.  Create a spreadsheet of how much I want to earn per month


the original milf – jennifer coolidge

August 15, 2010

She’s the headliner here in Edinburgh.  My producer somehow met her at a show and we ran into her on the street and chatted with her for a bit.

She’s a lovely woman.  Blonde and gorgeous.  She’s more than the funny looking woman in American Pie or Best in Show.  She’s smart, she’s beautiful, sexy and talented.

Jennifer was very gracious and said she’d come see our show…we’ll see if she does.  Either way…I adore her!!

I forgot to ask her her thoughts on being an American icon.  When I was pregnant and feeling not very sexy, a friend of mine called me a MILF.  Maybe I should have felt offended…but instead I secretly felt happy…is that lame?  Who knows?  I like the term and I’m going with it.

Why we sometimes need day jobs…

February 27, 2010

The city has been covered in snow for the past two days and I have been covered in vomit.

Baby M is sick and it’s not been pretty.  My finger has the pediatrician on speed dial.

In other developments, I got a call from a woman who is interested in interviewing me for a position at a recruiting firm.  If I get an awesome offer, I’ve decided I would accept it.

Here are my reasons for getting a day job:

1. It creates a system or framwork. Taking a shower, brushing my teeth and putting together an outfit will be systemized.  Instead of floundering with a pounding heart and adrenaline rushing through my clouded mind   I’ll have an audition, I’ll already be fresh and pressed.  People who don’t have children do not understand HOW HARD IT IS.  As my friend who owns a restaurant said, going to work was like a vacation.

I’m looking at my personal life and a career through the prism of a business person.  Are the systems working properly?  What can be improved?  I realized that ad hoc prep for an audition while being a stay at home mom does not work.

2.  Change is good.  Stagnant water is not. I’ve been an actress and a stay at home mother for almost 17 months now.  If I stayed doing what I’m doing I feel that I would be run to the ground and quit acting forever. Will this be the right answer?  I’m not sure but I’m willing to change it up and try it.  If it works, great.  If not, then at least I tried.

3.  I’m in this for the long haul. Ironically by getting a day job, it will allow me to be in the acting business for the long haul.  I take my creativity, my writing and my acting very seriously and right now these things are being seriously compromised.  I do not want to sew, make crafts, learn how to cook and clean better.  I want to act and write.  Period.  If I do not get out of the house, this ain’t happening.

4.  I’m listening to my gut. Other people have repeatedly told me that I should stay home.  That I’m lucky (I know I am) to have a child and a husband who can provide for us.  One woman is older with two grown children.  Another is a person with no children.  I realized I have to make a choice which is right for me and my family.

Anyway…this is what is on my mind.

Anything you could want…

December 10, 2009

The past month or so have been all consuming.  We’ve moved back to Manhattan (thank god) and after three weeks I’m sort of hitting my stride.

Between the packing/unpacking, the sleep deprivation and Baby M getting sick from the MMR shot, I’ve been a bit overwhelmed.

I’ve also vacillated wildly back and forth whether I should even be an actress.  So much so that two days ago I went on two interviews for a day job.  As soon as I set the appointments I knew that getting a day job was not the answer.  I felt dread as I put on a button down blue shirt and gray dress slacks.  The interviews were okay but my gut is telling me that for right now, it’s not for me.

It’s funny what fear will drive you to do.  My fear of not having MY OWN MONEY and thoughts of BEING IN NEW YORK CITY made me go to these interviews.  Not because I want a career in creative recruitment.  If we are not hurting for money at the moment, I’m not going to take a full-time position.  Being a mother and an actress are more than enough.

Yesterday, I woke up, mediated, wrote and exercised.  While I meditated, I realized that everything that I could ever want was already within me.  All the searching, striving, fighting…it’s all nothing without peace with the self.  If I had all the money in the world and still felt sad and pauper-like inside, then that is my reality:  I am poor.

I’m very grateful for this insight and will now make a point to meditate and reflect upon what I really want…instead of running around, frazzled with fear.

I’m officially Bi!!

September 4, 2009

Bi-coastal that is!

After my solo show, my wonderful acting coach from LA recommended a manager in LA.


Thank you, Universe.

Doggy Days of summer…

July 3, 2009
Stella looking for a bird to maim

Stella looking for a bird to maim

Found out feedback from the play I had auditioned for.  They really liked me but felt my schedule with my show would be a conflict.  An acquaintence happened to be sitting in on the audition and she said if it weren’t for that she was pretty sure I’d be in the show with her.  Nice to hear.  I FINALLY got the letter out to that one agent I had been thinking about and asked a casting director to put in a good word for me.

Since I’ve had the babysitter, I’ve been able to get things done.  I’ve gone a few auditions and have been able to get a lot of production stuff done for the show.  Also can shower and exercise on a daily basis.  I feel better.  That said, I’m not sure I’m 100%.  I haven’t gone much into it, but I’ve definitely been postpartum depressed for the past few months. From the lack of sleep, isolation, lack of help, it’s been a doozy.  No one really tells you how hard motherhood is and if you’re not a parent, you don’t quite get how difficult it can be.  Before my babysitter left, she chirped:  “I don’t know how you do this!  I’m exhausted after just four hours!”

I hung out with Babymonkey Momma in her Chelsea apartment and she is an amazing actress-mother, entrepreneur.  We talked about how we deal.  I laughed when she mentioned her 10 things to do list.  She is lucky if she gets one thing done. (Actually, I find doing only ONE career thing a day to be very effective)

A few days ago, I decided to try and take out gnashing my teeth out of the equation.  I’ve been paddling the boat with all of my might.  My mucles are tired and I’m sweaty.  I’ve decided to allow the boat to flow where it wants to go and enjoy the breeze that takes me along the ride.   I surrendered.  I’ll get what I have to do done, but other than that, I’ve surrendered to the fact it ain’t going to be perfect for a long time, so I might as well enjoy every moment.

So instead of thinking about the NEXT KID and how THAT will affect my life, I’m going to try and focus on the NOW.

After breastfeeding, I’m seriously considering getting a tattoo that says:  FOCUS ON THE MOMENT

Back to exercise + Breastfeeding = Exhaustion

June 28, 2009

After 4 months, I’ve decided to start exercising again and it’s exhausting.  I ran for 15 minutes, did some weights and I’mpaying for it.  Tomorrow I’m meeting with my trainer to do a 30 minute workout.  I told him I have the conditioning of an out of shape 80 year old and to take it REALLY easy on me.  This is disturbing…but normal after not working out for almost four months straight.

Interesting developments…

June 22, 2009

I meditated yesterday and a thought popped into my head:  “Today is going to change my life”.  I liked that thought.  I shrugged and saw where it would take me.

I went to rehearsal and afterwards I drove to the area where I want to live for a Mommy Meetup.  The first apartment complex, there were no mommies to be found.  I went to the common area of the building – no moms.  The doorman said there was a rooftop area where the moms sometimes went.  I went on the roof and there was one pregnant woman who said she doesn’t go to the meeting but that they showed up late sometimes.

To make a long story short, I met a mother who is closing on the apartment building I have been looking at.  She and her husband have been living in the area for 2 years and decided it would be a good time to buy.  She really loved the area, felt the schools were good and they felt good about the neighborhood.

Up next:  see how much we can afford, check our credit, see about a loan…

Meetup Is Da Bomb Y’all!

June 4, 2009

Getting My Meetup On!

You make a meetup and THEN these guys let you print out collateral like hanging signs, postcards and t-shirts!

I’m starting a meetup in my area for Friggin Cool Parents and now I’m super jazzed.