Anything you could want…

December 10, 2009

The past month or so have been all consuming.  We’ve moved back to Manhattan (thank god) and after three weeks I’m sort of hitting my stride.

Between the packing/unpacking, the sleep deprivation and Baby M getting sick from the MMR shot, I’ve been a bit overwhelmed.

I’ve also vacillated wildly back and forth whether I should even be an actress.  So much so that two days ago I went on two interviews for a day job.  As soon as I set the appointments I knew that getting a day job was not the answer.  I felt dread as I put on a button down blue shirt and gray dress slacks.  The interviews were okay but my gut is telling me that for right now, it’s not for me.

It’s funny what fear will drive you to do.  My fear of not having MY OWN MONEY and thoughts of BEING IN NEW YORK CITY made me go to these interviews.  Not because I want a career in creative recruitment.  If we are not hurting for money at the moment, I’m not going to take a full-time position.  Being a mother and an actress are more than enough.

Yesterday, I woke up, mediated, wrote and exercised.  While I meditated, I realized that everything that I could ever want was already within me.  All the searching, striving, fighting…it’s all nothing without peace with the self.  If I had all the money in the world and still felt sad and pauper-like inside, then that is my reality:  I am poor.

I’m very grateful for this insight and will now make a point to meditate and reflect upon what I really want…instead of running around, frazzled with fear.

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Mind is elsewhere…

October 27, 2009

Haven’t had much thoughts on acting right now.  I’ve been drawing a lot.  Not really scared about it just noticing it and going with the drawing.

I realized that I’ve been going nonstop for the past year.  I’m not complaining, I’m absolutely grateful for the wonderful work I’ve been lucky to do and folks who’ve helped me.  I just want a little break from acting right now.  I am savoring being with Baby M.  I’m taking it easy!

I met with my agent last week and she was very enthusiastic about sending me out for legit stuff.  My manager in LA is psyched to meet with me in January.

 


October 10, 2009

October 10, 2009

I’ve been guilty of neglecting the blog. Sorry about that, super lame, I know. It was Baby M’s first birthday and between meeting a new babysitter and planning the party, I was a little busy.

My husband and I are very excited about moving back to the city. We really look forward to nice restaurants and being able to walk everywhere. I’m also excited about meeting like-minded moms and being closer to auditions and classes.

It’s been a bit quiet and at times I get a little antsy. But this is normal. Now is the time to update my reel, rewrite my show and take an improv class.

I’m also pursuing another love that I have which is drawing cartoons. I’m taking a class at SVA and it brings me immense joy. AND it is no surprise that I met a fellow actor/cartoonist. For some reason, the teacher really likes my work and has been very encouraging to me. This means the world to me.


Interesting Developments

September 19, 2009

A really good friend of mine moved to Los Angeles. He had dinner with a producer friend of ours and told him about my solo show. The producer friend asked to read the script which I sent. He liked it. Then he asked to send a DVD. I got over my anxiety of how terrible I looked on DVD and sent it to him. If he likes it, then I might be able to do my show in LA!

AND in really wonderful news, we’re heading back to Manhattan. I’m so excited!! I know there are issues with living in the city…but it’s going to be a huge improvement to our lives, I know it.


September 18, 2009

September 19, 2009

I went to an audition yesterday and wasn’t prepared as I should be. Being a mother has made the word “prepared” really different for me. I try to set time aside to plan the next day. I didn’t do that. In the morning I was scrambling to get ready for the audition and get the baby ready to go into the city.

I packed food for Baby M and hauled ass to get the city. I did not prepare the sides and I did not have food or water. By the time I arrived I was starving and thirsty. At best, my performance was generic because I did not prepare the sides.

It’s okay. All part of the process.


I’m officially Bi!!

September 4, 2009

Bi-coastal that is!

After my solo show, my wonderful acting coach from LA recommended a manager in LA.

Hurrah!

Thank you, Universe.


Back To School

September 1, 2009

To sum August up: solo show, national commercial (yay!), short film with an awesome director and producer, not so successful but not terrible audition for a television show. I decided that if I have a big audition, I probably should not do 2 gigs right before. Live and learn. I joined SAG and I got MY name.

We took a family vacation and it was wonderful. This was a time I was able to bond with my husband and my daughter. The pacing was great, we relaxed, we laughed our asses off and we really had a fun time. I felt refreshed and ready to get back to work. I’ve realized how important having fun and relaxing can be because that is more important than a career. Don’t get me wrong, I’m driven. But driven with a sense of gratitude, humility, fun and happiness. Driven without happiness doesn’t work.

In really great news, we are probably moving back to the city in a few months. With that news, I’m somehow wistful about leaving the burbs. [I vaguely recalled when I was 7 months pregnant and got pushed by some guy at Fairway Supermarket.] But I’m ready. And grateful.


About my solo show…

July 23, 2009

A lot of people love the show.  Some people hate the show.  Audiences are crazy for the show.  2 critics hate the show.  One of my dearest friends doesn’t care for it.  Some people like me better and some people like my partner in the show better.

I was slightly down about it, but got over it after a day.  I spoke to my teacher and he said critics hated his show and then he ended up winning the best play that year in a pretty big festival.

We as artists don’t do our art for the approval of others.  We do it because we are sharing our experiences with the world.  As a working actress sometimes it’s hard to keep that in prospective because acting is so subjective.  However, as my teacher said, there needs to be something inside of us that is unshakeable, something that keeps us going despite the strong winds and storms that come at us.

I also have been listening to the Artist’s Way and the author talked about how she was so jealous of female playwrights and could easily judge another playwright very harshly.  That is until she began writing her own stuff.  Suddenly she felt a kinship of writers she hadn’t felt before.

The point is to keep going, to keep moving forward and continue the art.  Art isn’t always pretty, it’s constantly improving and evolving.

And a quote about critics:

Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.


Excellent quote:

July 22, 2009

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis:

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.


It’s crunch time…

July 7, 2009

Summer

Press kits, comps, website, light plots OH MY!!!

My show is going up NEXT WEEK. I AM NOT EVEN PREPARED.  I had rehearsal yesterday which was helpful but I don’t know if I was very good.  I did not feel engaged with the material, I felt tired.

July 4th weekend was wonderful and relaxing.  Now it’s back to getting the show off the ground.

My intention is to enjoy this fun process, relax into it.  Not fight it.  😀