Archive for the 'Daily Musing' Category

The latest…

June 16, 2011
  • Today I booked a commercial.  THANK GOD.
  • Web Series is 2/3 of the way shot.  Just one more weekend to go.
  • Today I met with a very good commercial agent my manager set me up to meet.  It turns out my sort of famous director (who is a hot young actor) is with them and we (the agent and I) started talking about him.  The meeting went very well and they totally dig me.  But then I freaked out and emailed my director and asked him NOT to tell them I was married with a kid.  I don’t think I’m paranoid.  I think this is how it is in the biz.  I even ran into one mother (who had her daughter with her) and when I told her I had a 2.5 year old she exclaimed:  “You look so young!”
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7 Tips Overcome Sleep Deprivation & Wonkiness…

May 10, 2011

We flew back from California on the red eye this Sunday and my sleep has been a bit screwy.

I had a hard time falling asleep.  Baby M stayed insisted I take the mattress off of her crib and put it on the floor so she could sleep on it.  (She pointed to the matress screaming “OFF OFF!”)  Around 10:00 she probably rolled off of it and began crying.  I scooped her up and put her back in our bed (I KNOW, IT’S A MISTAKE)

I have a web series to produce, a cranky actor to deal, a crisis with a key member of my team…and what the heck is for dinner?

Since I’ve been hit with many many sleepless nights, I decided I had to come up with some rules of how to deal with it or I shall lose my mind.  I’ve found that “giving up” and “losing my mind” doesn’t really help anyone.  Neither does bucking up and just steam rolling through.  There has to be a happy medium.

1.  Acknowledge that changes with your kid’s schedule is bound to screw things up.  Plan for it.  I knew Baby M’s schedule would be a wreck when I came back.  Mentally I prepped myself for it.  I didn’t plan any rehearsals or meetings for this week.  The goal was to make sure Baby M has a consistent week of Mom time.  This is better for all of us.

2.  When in a major major pinch, there is Thomas The Train, Elmo etc.  I’ve taken Baby M out of daycare because I want to spend more time with her.  It’s a bit of a transition because I spend more time with her.  On nights I have no sleep, I must get SOME rest.  There is time to plop on the couch and rest while Baby M watches some TV.  This is NOT ideal, but sometimes absolutely necessary.

3.  Exercise.  I always feel a lot better when I either walk, run or do weights.  A new yoga studio has opened up in my hood and I’ve committed myself to do yoga everyday.  

4.  Meditate  A perfect way to combat the mind junk and stress.  Sometimes you can even fall asleep when you meditate.  This means you are probably very tired.

5.  Create an evening ritual.  I don’t really have an evening ritual but I’ve decided to reinstate one.  In a way it’s telling yourself that you are to be taken care of and resting your mind and soul are vital.  Ritual is defined as: an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.  For all my joking and smart assery, I don’t believe it’s far fetched to treat yourself in a reverent way.
Here is my [re-established] ritual:

Plan next day
Meditate
Shower
Writing Gratitudes

6.  DO NOT LOOK AT THE COMPUTER AT NIGHT.  This was my mistake last night.  I probably could have gone to sleep a lot earlier. 

7.  Be gentle to oneself.  Instead of saying what you SHOULD be doing or how you SHOULD be sleeping, just be curious and kind to yourself as you would a friend.  No need to self castigate.  In fact, a warm bath, aromatherapy and a nice pair of pajamas might make sleep more fun.

Sleep is one of the best anti-aging and anti-depressant remedies.  It’s one of the most important things for our mental and physical health.  Unfortunately as parents, it’s seen more of a luxury.  It’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity and it’s important to remember that in order to be a good wife, husband, mother, father, doctor, steamfitter, taxi driver, politician, etc you have to take care of yourself.  And if that means hanging out on the couch for a little bit to catch some Z’s…so be it.

more = less, becoming a minimalist…

August 15, 2010

I’ve decided to become a minimalist.  Let me explain.

My producer and I have been staying in the flat of a physics graduate student in Edinburgh.  The place is very simple and not huge.  The front door is beat up and the turquoise paint is chipping.  There is no dishwasher or dryer for our clothes.  I miss my daughter and husband very much, yet I feel very content.

This is in contrast to how I’d been feeling in New York: stressed, trapped and hot.  This was probably due to the heat wave and also due to planning this Scottish endeavor.  But I also feel that it was a bit deeper.

Lately, my husband has been very grumpy and his feelings affect me.  He works VERY HARD at work and  it is VERY STRESSFUL.  This made us unhappy.  On paper, we have everything going for us:  We live in a great apartment, we love each other, we find each other attractive (after a kid, that is no small feat).  We have all material things that we could possibly want.

But contentment alluded us.  The cycle starts with someone pointing out something that isn’t quite right in the house and then the whole thing gets blown up into a stupid argument.

I demanded that my husband needs to take breaks from work.  He’s not innately a grumpy person.  He’s the most handsome, wonderful, funny, sexy man in the universe.  But when stress gets to him, it’s a bummer.

And I came across this website:

http://www.becomingminimalist.com/

And it confirmed everything that I’d been feeling.  We have too much stuff.  Buying stuff doesn’t buy happiness and I believe it actually increases unhappiness and clutter.

Instead of going faster we need to go slower.

Instead of complaining, we need to give gratitude for everything we have.

What’s important are the things that are invisible:  love, friendship, compassion, laughter, experiences…

Here’s the original article that I came across:

http://rowdykittens.com/2010/08/becoming-minimalist/

The Naked Truth

May 18, 2010

Just got my period.  Have a nude scene on Thursday.  YIPEE!!

Seventh Months away…

May 18, 2010

It’s been seven months since we’ve moved back to Manhattan and life has definitely taken a turn for the better.

My husband is happy, I’m happy and Baby M is happy.

Lately, I’ve been auditioning at least 2-3x per week for legit work, booking work (just booked a principal role on a cable show, yay!).  I’ve been blessed to reconnect with old friends I haven’t seen for a few years and we’re really inspiring each other.

My solo show is going to Europe in August…I am pinching myself.  Could moving back to Manhattan be so beneficial to my entire family?

YES!

I need to be around people who are doing “their thang”.  Whatever that is:  art, finance, literature, media, jewelry making…whatever.  I just want to be around that passion and energy.

I’m thanking God, Goddess, Allah, Buddha…the universe for where I am right now.  Thank you.

Transition from little pond to big pond…

February 6, 2010

For the past three years I was in the burbs and hated it.  I hemmed and hawed and complained.

I’m in the city.  I got my wish.  I’m no longer complaining.

Moving was slightly rough but I can honestly say that moving back to Manhattan has been the best thing for my family, for me personally and of course, my acting career.

I’m enrolled in classes, I’m doing readings, I’m seeing screeners.  I just updated my reel (I had no idea I could act!), I’m updating my website, I’m writing…I’m humming.

Interesting Developments

September 19, 2009

A really good friend of mine moved to Los Angeles. He had dinner with a producer friend of ours and told him about my solo show. The producer friend asked to read the script which I sent. He liked it. Then he asked to send a DVD. I got over my anxiety of how terrible I looked on DVD and sent it to him. If he likes it, then I might be able to do my show in LA!

AND in really wonderful news, we’re heading back to Manhattan. I’m so excited!! I know there are issues with living in the city…but it’s going to be a huge improvement to our lives, I know it.

Models vs. Actors

June 25, 2009

I had an ASICS go-see.  It was a room filled with 19 year old Abercrombie & Fitch/Ford model types.  I didn’t want to be there.

Someone gushed about how they were on the Abercrombie & Fitch site.  Everyone (except me) had washboard abs and defined muscle.  Baby M and our new babysitter were walking around the street outside.

An Asian model next to me was in an animated conversation about how slow things were and new exercise routines.  Their whole conversation was shop talk:  where they had travelled, how they hadn’t worked in a while, which agents they were freelancing with.   I felt for these girls.  They were tall, thin and beautiful.  I’m attractive, but if you saw me walk down the street, you probably wouldn’t stop and give me a second glance.  Having all of your self worth based on your looks can sometimes make you feel not so great.  Even from doing commercial print work, I’ve often looked at myself and wondered: Am I too fat?  The same feeling that ran through my head as I sat in the chair.  I’ve definitely been out of the game and could definitely hit the gym.

As Tyra Banks says, you have to have a career after being a model.

After the photographer took pictures of me, I scurried downstairs to my beloved Baby M.  She was just waking up from a nap and we strolled around in the rain.  The baby sitter quipped:  “Wow, I’ve never seen so many attractive people in one spot!”

Note to self:  Get a blackberry and go to the gym.

WAHM = Messy House

June 23, 2009

The dishes are dirty…again.  The laundry remains unfolded in two laundry bags.  The apartment is a mess.   Husband comes home (an hour late), sighs.  I get mad at the sighs but I’m too exhausted to pick anything up.

“What did you do today?”

Worked on updating contacts for a  mailing, fixed the VM for our show’s hotline, cleared my desk, contacted people about the show, trained the new sitter…

Definitely nothing to do with keeping a tidy home.

What is the answer to my lack of homemaking skills?  I’m not sure but something needs to change because the system in place is currently not working.

Children vs. Career: Brazen Careerist

June 23, 2009

I just read a terrific post by the fabulous Penelope Trunk.  The reality is that life is not binary, it’s not absolute.  It’s messy and complex.  Life can not be boiled down to a mathematical equation [if this then this].

This is not an issue of whether abortion is right or wrong, it’s about the myth of having children being bad for a career.

I got two abortions to preserve my career. To keep my options open. To keep my aspirations within reach.

I bought into the idea that kids undermine your ability to build an amazing career.

And here I am, with the amazing career.

But also, here I am with two kids. So I know a bit about having kids and a career. And I want to tell you something: You don’t need to get an abortion to have a big career. Women who want big careers want them because something deep inside you drives you to change the world, lead a revolution, break new barriers.

It doesn’t matter whether you have kids now or later, because they will always make your career more difficult. There is no time in your life when you are so stable in your work that kids won’t create an earthquake underneath that confidence.