Audition Technique

Met up with the actors from the audition class.  They are such a talented group of people and so nice.  I look at all of them and feel like they are all big time “bookable”.

At our level, it’s not whether we are competent, it’s more of how do we relax enough to show our true essence.  Thus making an audition more natural and organic.

Unfortunately due to my schedule I won’t be able to meet up with them.

While I was out, Baby M didn’t eat for SIX HOURS.  When I returned home my babysitter/friend told me Baby M wouldn’t take the bottle.  It’s a little upsetting but as long as it doesn’t happen all of the time we should be ok.

I just realized I have a show the end of February and I have to be OFF BOOK?!!  AUGH…

Entrepreneur Mindset

Today I realized that I get bummed when I don’t have much going on and want to get a day job.  What stops me is realizing that getting a dayjob is exactly opposite of what I need to be doing to have an acting career.

One of the most challenging aspects for me is the irregular schedule and isolation. I realized that this is what small business owners or entrepreneurs face all the time. Pursuing something outside of a big cubicle is not an easy path.  There are no deadlines, there are no set goals.  It’s freeing and maddening at the same time.  I’m envious of friends who are at jobs and who have a lot of income to spend.

Sure I’m broke, I’m embarressed by the amount of money in my bank account right now.  But it is a time where I have the freedom to go on auditions without a dayjob.  And HONESTLY, being a mom is a fulltime job.  So, that said, I realize this is not an easy venture and if everyone could do it, then everyone would.

In other news, today I had my solo-show workshop.  I wrote about five pages.  I have a lot of work to do before our February performance.

I also am MAKING myself go to practice auditioning tomorrow with the group of actors I met from class.  I really wanted to audition more and meet up with these guys because they’re a good group of people.

The gaps between the brilliance…

Wednesday I was in the halls of NBC where I auditioned for a consistently paying work.  On Thursday I was wiping off drool on my baby’s mouth, had no sleep and felt utterly depressed.

I came across a qoute from Milton Resnick, a major abstract expressionist painter:

Artists, he said, “….have their ups and downs….for a while everything you do is wonderful or you think it is then you slide down….pulling yourself up again is the most important part of your life.”

It’s very difficult to face the downtime of being an actor.  Often times I feel like running back to a day job and having some regularity in my life.

The thing is, I realize I’m very lucky.  I have a chance to make it, I have a wonderful family and focus solely on being a mom and an actress.  I’m feeling blue right now and remember this quote on these occasions.

I want a collaborative partner!

I’m putting it out there in the universe!!  (he he, saying things like “putting it out in the universe” is so funny.  It’s so “Secret“.)

Will Ferrell will be performing on Broadway as George Bush.  In the article he talks about his long time collaborative partner and I yelled out:  “I WANT A COLLABORATIVE PARTNER!!”

When I was reading John Leguizamo’s book “The Works Of John Leguizamo” he too had a collaborative partner to write with and discuss his show with.

I’m currently taking a class with the best teacher/director on the earth.  However, I want to have a collaborative partner that I don’t pay.

Here is what I’m looking for:

-Supportive/positive/enthusiastic
-Sees things to fruition (my weak point)
-Loves my work (and I love their work)
-We jive, we’re friends
-They are detailed, methodical (my other week point)’

Alright UNIVERSE!  Do your stuff!

Gratitude For The Crazies…

Actors are always complaining about their managers and agents.  They feel the agency doesn’t do enough for them etc. etc.  If you’re not booking a ton of work and you are not a household name, then stop complaining!  I understand the frustration of not getting an audition or not doing something every moment.  However, an agent or manager is just another avenue to get work.  They are not gods, they are not the end all.  They are just a spoke in the large wheel of an acting career.

My manager is a crazy woman.  I know she tells tall tales.  But I am not Angelina Jolie yet and I don’t want to be at a huge agency.  She has been very helpful and gotten me seen by pretty terrific people.  In the near future I imagine I will need to go with a bigger agency to audition with more frequency.  But for right now, I am very grateful for all of the opportunities I’ve been given.

Status Update

Yesterday I hung out with the family and wrote a bit more on the solo show.  We go up the second week of March so I’m trying to get as much done as possible.

My screenwriting group and I have decided to have a draft done by April 4th.  I LOVE my writing group. We “get” each other and genuinely care for each other.  I also like their work and they are really interested in my work.  It’s been so much better than writing by myself.

I’ve been reading “Audition” by Michael Shurtleff which was given to me by a fellow actress.  I’ll admit I consider myself a pretty talented actress and I’m confident in my acting abilities.  It’s the auditioning that I feel is painful.  I’ve decided that I would like to overcome my fear of terror of auditioning.  Yes after four years of auditioning, I still freak out prior to auditioning for something.  A group of actors have been meeting up to practice auditioning and I haven’t been going because I’ve been worried the baby would cry her head off.  I don’t like to run around and take her out of her environment unless absolutely necessary.  This is one of those things that I have put on the back burner but perhaps need to put on the front burner.

The class that I spent a lot of money on actually was very good.  It taught me to tone the “acting” down because the camera picks everything up.  Just respond as you would as a normal human being.  It definitely helped with the NBC audition.

January 16, 2009

Baby M is going through stranger anxiety.  She doesn’t like her Dad, her babysitter or her grandparents anymore.  ONLY MOM.

In other news, she is becoming more verbal and likes to “talk” to me.  We have a slew of conversations here and there.  She becomes more and more adorable each day.

Tuesday night I got a call from my manager that I had an audition for a pilot at NBC.  My heart sank a bit because I had my solo class the next day and I hadn’t written my homework.  With Baby M’s newfound  hatred of strangers, it stressed the babysitter out.  I had no idea how I was going to swing this.  Here’s how it went:

-Call husband to freakout.  He says:  “Is it worth it?”  and I angrily spew  “Are you freaking kidding me!”  and hang up.
-I call mother in law and arrange for her to watch the baby.
-I cancel the babysitter.
-I print out sides and read it for a few hours.
-Dinner is not cooked, husband is understandably grumpy.
-I fall asleep around 9:30 and vow to wake up to work on the script in the morning.
-The next morning I wake up around 5:00 AM and work on the script.
-Then slowly pack:  Portable crib, toys, blankets, diaper bag, stroller, bouncy seat, milk, breast pump (just in case)
-Screw a shower, I use dry shampoo.  Doll myself up while playing with the baby.
-Pack car.
-Baby M’s poops up her back.  Need to change entire outfit.
-Decide to change my outfit twice.
-Drive to mother in laws.  When there is a lull in traffic, I read my lines.
-Unload car.  Set up all the baby gear.
-Feed baby twice.
-Change baby.
-Feel REALLY bad about leaving baby…

I walked to the subway, got to Manhattan and felt thrilled about going to 30 Rockerfeller for an audition.  I’m a huge fan of 30 Rock so it felt really special to run around the building where my idol, Tina Fey, saunters.

I get to the casting room.  There are a few beautiful girls.  I go out to the hall and rehearse.  I get called in.  I read for Jennifer and Tre.  Tre asks if I want to read again.  I do.  He says:  “Good job!”

When I get home, I asked my husband:  “Babe, why did you ask me if it was worth it?  I don’t need that from you!  It’s so hard already!”

He said:  “Well, if you want it bad enough, you’re going to make it happen.”

And THAT is why I love my husband 😀

January 6, 2009

Yesterday I went to the hematologist for Baby M’s followup for her funny looking blood cells.  I knew there was nothing wrong with her and inwardly grumbled that I had to go to this appointment.

As I sat in the waiting room, children running about and The View blaring on the TV above my head, I began to talk with the other mothers in the room.  One woman chased after her active 2 year old son running after every toy possible.  She cheerfully talked about how her husband was stuck in Italy and she was in New York with her sick son, by herself.  Her boss was getting tired of her weekly appointments for her son’s blood tests.  Another beautiful pale little girl playing a board game had an IV sticking out of her arm which bounced about as she quickly maneuvered the pieces of the game.  A mother of a teenager wearing pink pants and black UGGS told me her daughter had been coming to the hospital since her daughter was a small baby.  After all that her daughter went through, she didn’t want to have another child.

She was not self pitying about it, just matter of fact.  Then she turned to me and Baby M and kindly asked:  “What’s wrong with her?”

I felt like a fraud.  I mumbled about the baby having some tests being done but said nothing more.  As the parents talked about different doctors they saw and how often they came to the hospital, I looked at a snowflake that a child had cut out.  On it was scrawled in green crayon:  “I wish to be healthy”.

January 5, 2009

It’s 3:27 A.M. and I have a pediatric hematologist appointment in the morning.

I got an email from an NYU grad student for an audition today.

Should I do it?  ARGH.  I feel these moments are opportunities that I’m given to take advantage of.  At the same time I’m not sure if I want to do a student film. Then another voice says: “This is a great opportunity to get back into the acting, hone the on-camera skills.  2009 baby WOOT!”.  The competing voice says:  “You are going to be at the hospital for three hours and you’ve had 4 hours of sleep, how well can you do?”

My mind is a tornado of activity so I’m not sure which voice is the right one.

Happy New Year!

The New Year came and went without much fanfare.  Baby M and I were sleeping.

Despite the so-called cruddy economy, I am very excited for 2009.

Baby M turned 3 months old yesterday and for that, my husband and I were very grateful.

I hope all of you fulfill all of your hopes and dreams and you and your loved ones are well.

❤