The latest…

• Today I booked a commercial.  THANK GOD.
• Web Series is 2/3 of the way shot.  Just one more weekend to go.
• Today I met with a very good commercial agent my manager set me up to meet.  It turns out my sort of famous director (who is a hot young actor) is with them and we (the agent and I) started talking about him.  The meeting went very well and they totally dig me.  But then I freaked out and emailed my director and asked him NOT to tell them I was married with a kid.  I don’t think I’m paranoid.  I think this is how it is in the biz.  I even ran into one mother (who had her daughter with her) and when I told her I had a 2.5 year old she exclaimed:  “You look so young!”

Hello 2011!

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted.  After getting back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival I was mentally and physically taxed.  It took me a few months to get back into the swing of things…but I’m back and ready to kill it.

Since then I’ve shot an indie feature, performed two theatre performances and developing a webisode with an awesome writing partner.  I’m in improv class and finally turned a corner and I’m having a blast doing improv.  I’ve been called in for primetime and network TV auditions regularly.

Baby M is now 27 months and babbling and speaking up a storm.  She is funny as hell, she has a wonderful personality and everyday I feel blessed to have her in my life.

It’s hard not to feel like this is my year.

A friend recently asked me if I regret having her or if I resent her because of my acting career.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Because of my daughter, I’ve become a much better person and if I hadn’t had her, honestly I’d have dived back into a full time job a long time ago, still trying to make the acting thing happen.

My acting career is flourishing because of my daughter.  Thanks to her I’ve had this magical time to pursue a career.

I recently had lunch with a writer/director friend who I really respect and for the first time, she said:  “Acting is your path.  It’s your gift.  It’s your duty to go after it.  If you didn’t, you’d be miserable.”

The past couple of years I’ve dipped my toe in the water.  I’ve tested the waters and now I’ve decided to do a canon ball into the pool.  I’m giving it my all and really having a blast.

Whatever your dreams are, go for them.   May all of your hopes and dreams come true for 2011!

Much love, Hottie Actress Momma.

Going 100%

I’ve been doing side jobs.  I felt I needed “real work” to sustain while being an actress/mom.  The problem:  is that it’s exhausting.

I just started reading OVERCOMING UNDER EARNING by By Barbara Stanny and it’s really challenged the way I’ve thought about myself as an actress and my relationship with money.

Stanny believes that as artists, we are put on this earth with our God-given talents for a reason. If we go with “conundrum thinking”: pushing forward while clinging for safety, it prevents us from really going for what we’re passionate about.  Then we never really “go 100%” with our passions and fulfill a prophecy of not making enough money with our art.

When I read that, my need to have a second job fell out of my body.  I physically felt a the fear released and a renewed sense of focus and courage.

I have an outside day job project I need to taper down…but moving forward I’m focusing on PASSION, 100%, without doubts.  This is a *new* thing.

Let’s see how it goes.

The Naked Truth

Just got my period.  Have a nude scene on Thursday.  YIPEE!!

Audition with a baby…

God bless my agent who snagged me an audition (as a COLLEGE STUDENT) for The Good Wife.  I got it the night before and I fretted big time because I don’t have a babysitter.  I feared I would have to skip it.  My agent gently told me to go because she didn’t want me to miss any legit auditions.

And so we went.

It was way downtown and I decided to drive down there.  And for some reason the drive was smooth and everything went really well.  Baby M happily munched on Cheerios while I signed in and looked over my lines.  I changed her once, I gave her something to eat.  I had no nerves because I was busy caring for her.

The audition itself was almost an afterthought.  It was really a fun process.  The actors around us were really kind and one woman actually watched Maddie before I went into the room.

This gave me a little boost I needed.  Lately I’ve been wondering what the heck I was doing with my life and if I should even bother being an actress.  I’ve decided this business, as crazy as it is, is the life for me.  It’s not for the weak.  It’s for those with an iron-clad stomach and skin thick as elephant toenails.  Neither is being a mother.  So…it makes sense these two things go hand in hand.

September 18, 2009

I went to an audition yesterday and wasn’t prepared as I should be. Being a mother has made the word “prepared” really different for me. I try to set time aside to plan the next day. I didn’t do that. In the morning I was scrambling to get ready for the audition and get the baby ready to go into the city.

I packed food for Baby M and hauled ass to get the city. I did not prepare the sides and I did not have food or water. By the time I arrived I was starving and thirsty. At best, my performance was generic because I did not prepare the sides.

It’s okay. All part of the process.

Back To School

To sum August up: solo show, national commercial (yay!), short film with an awesome director and producer, not so successful but not terrible audition for a television show. I decided that if I have a big audition, I probably should not do 2 gigs right before. Live and learn. I joined SAG and I got MY name.

We took a family vacation and it was wonderful. This was a time I was able to bond with my husband and my daughter. The pacing was great, we relaxed, we laughed our asses off and we really had a fun time. I felt refreshed and ready to get back to work. I’ve realized how important having fun and relaxing can be because that is more important than a career. Don’t get me wrong, I’m driven. But driven with a sense of gratitude, humility, fun and happiness. Driven without happiness doesn’t work.

In really great news, we are probably moving back to the city in a few months. With that news, I’m somehow wistful about leaving the burbs. [I vaguely recalled when I was 7 months pregnant and got pushed by some guy at Fairway Supermarket.] But I’m ready. And grateful.

About my solo show…

A lot of people love the show.  Some people hate the show.  Audiences are crazy for the show.  2 critics hate the show.  One of my dearest friends doesn’t care for it.  Some people like me better and some people like my partner in the show better.

I was slightly down about it, but got over it after a day.  I spoke to my teacher and he said critics hated his show and then he ended up winning the best play that year in a pretty big festival.

We as artists don’t do our art for the approval of others.  We do it because we are sharing our experiences with the world.  As a working actress sometimes it’s hard to keep that in prospective because acting is so subjective.  However, as my teacher said, there needs to be something inside of us that is unshakeable, something that keeps us going despite the strong winds and storms that come at us.

I also have been listening to the Artist’s Way and the author talked about how she was so jealous of female playwrights and could easily judge another playwright very harshly.  That is until she began writing her own stuff.  Suddenly she felt a kinship of writers she hadn’t felt before.

The point is to keep going, to keep moving forward and continue the art.  Art isn’t always pretty, it’s constantly improving and evolving.

And a quote about critics:

Theodore Roosevelt:
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Excellent quote:

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis:

If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.

It’s crunch time…

Press kits, comps, website, light plots OH MY!!!

My show is going up NEXT WEEK. I AM NOT EVEN PREPARED.  I had rehearsal yesterday which was helpful but I don’t know if I was very good.  I did not feel engaged with the material, I felt tired.

July 4th weekend was wonderful and relaxing.  Now it’s back to getting the show off the ground.

My intention is to enjoy this fun process, relax into it.  Not fight it.  😀